Since the holiday season is among us, I thought it be best to provide a List of Holiday Ridiculousness so that everyone can join in on the ridiculousness together. Forever!
1. Don’t go shopping on the weekends. There are ways around it
2. If you don’t know what to buy someone, maybe just talk to them once a month or something
3. If you’re a radio station and your ratings have dropped… not all the music has to be holiday music. Just sprinkle it in.
4. Tis the season to be in Bali
5. MORE COFFEE THAN EVER BEFORE
6. MOM “Make me a list for Christmas”
7. MOM “Where can I get the Kindle?”
8. MOM “Forget it, I’m just giving you guys money”
9. If rain isn’t putting you in the holiday spirit, go visit Minnesota
10. But you’re wearing your ugly sweater on the wrong day!
11. If the gym seems empty it’s because everyone is “waiting until after the New Year”
12. Maybe just start now?
13. This list is not making any sense or giving any good advice
14. If you’re going to give out gift cards or money, three words: presentation, presentation, presentation
15. If you have cats, why are you putting up the tree again?
16. The key to holiday shopping is setting a deadline. Otherwise, you’ll be at the mall December 24 no matter what.
17. Need ideas for guys? http://www.fab.com
18. Need ideas for me? firstname.lastname@example.org
19. Elf has officially replaced A Christmas Story
20. Someone should make an Advent calendar that sends you dinner every day in December
21. Holiday season is during college finals. And you, my friend, are gonna make it.
22. Anyone else think it’s time for Adam Sandler to make a new song? Yeah me either.
23. If you spend more money on your pets than your human friends for the holidays… bye.
24. Yes, that’s the sound of your cat hacking up the pine needles again
25. If you need to hire one person during the holidays it’s a gift wrapper. The end. And you’re welcome.
26. The more candles that smell like cookies, wreaths and cinnamon apple the better.
27. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… five golden dings.. in your car… from parking like a jackass in the parking lot.. just stay in between the lines
28. 2012: Yes Virginia, there was a time we didn’t have cell phones
29. Mom, make sure the lipgloss doesn’t say “TESTER” on it this year.
30. Food first. Gifts second.
31. You can hire a shopper too.
32. Bad hair day? Luckily you can wear Santa hats whenever where ever during December
33. For my under 5 crowd… Santa is the one who gives you presents, don’t be so scared of him in your Christmas photo
34. MOM “No one helps”
35. MOM “Stop you’re doing it wrong”
36. MOM “Just let me do it”
37. And you can hire a cook
38. Parents, don’t create your own problems… gifts that make a lot of noise? Really?
39. Secret Santa doesn’t work with two people… or if one person is a cat
40. It’s okay to leave the price tag on if you spent a lot of money on it
41. OMG I love this shirt where did you get it… on the inside *that is the ugliest effing shirt*
42. OK. Just hire a stunt double and wish them the best of luck.
43.. Thanks Jesus, we owe you one!
44. But all in all, let’s be honest. Everyone feels happier during this time of the year because commercials say we are supposed to.. even if in actuality we are more stressed out than any other time of the year. All that stress is always worth it. Why? Because the holidays mean everyone is on break for a few days. Not many people have to work. And that means you can spend time with people you love. And people who love you. And today, that’s not always as easy as it might have been years ago. Everyone’s busy. But a few days out of the year, there’s no excuse. And that, my friends, is why the holiday season is special.
Thank you, and happy holidays to everyone. Including you. Enjoy.