You Learn

I recently encountered an intense feeling of déjà vu. In 2009, during preseason with FC Gold Pride I pulled my quad. I was out for three weeks of preseason.

Editors Note: For the record, the only two preseasons I have gotten injured in are the only two preseasons where we haven’t done any straight up running for fitness. My body is so stupid. 

Two weeks ago I sprained my knee during one of our preseason training sessions. Though glad it was only a sprain, I was frustrated as hell that I was experiencing a setback during a time when I felt good.

Similar to five years ago, recovery involved rehab and working out on my own. While I was icing my knee the other day, I had a flashback to 2009 and that feeling of missing out on preseason. A time where building yourself up was necessary for the next five months.

Unlike five years ago, I not only missed out on some of preseason, but I also missed the first game of the 2014 season. This was a hard pill to swallow. The one for the inflammation in my knee. It’s kind of big.  The pill. Not my knee. Forget it.

Anyway. That season with FC Gold Pride did not go as planned. I fell behind during preseason because I didn’t keep up with the workouts. I had a few good games, then a few bad games, and I let down pretty easily. I never fully recovered from the bad games mentally, and I never caught up on the time I missed in preseason physically.

It’s amazing how déjà vu can be a good thing. It was my reminder. I have come such a long way since then. I was really young. And thought I was invincible. I learned a lot about myself that year, most importantly how to be a professional.

When I realized my knee was a little banged up, (cue the Tiffaknee jokes) I knew this time would be much different from last time. I knew what I had to do to maintain all the work I put in in the offseason.

I looked back at that time with FC Gold Pride and am always thankful for it. I needed to mess up otherwise I would be in this situation with no prior experience for dealing with an injury, mentally or physically.

I may have used this quote before, but it is ever so pertinent in every freakin thing I write about here: “Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.” -RMR

In other words “I’ve seen some shit.”

Otherwise I wouldn’t share my experiences.

This time, I didn’t dwell on the fact that I couldn’t play. I didn’t constantly talk about it. In fact, I didn’t want to talk about it at all. I got in for treatment and rehab and did what I had to do. I did the extra work on the anti gravity treadmill and strengthened the parts that needed to be strengthened. I watched soccer more because I couldn’t be involved in training.

I’m not perfect by any means. Just the other day I had a gummy worm on the bench during our game. (IT WAS BEGGING TO BE EATEN) But I have learned a lot from my past. And I know that perfection is unrealistic. So I do the best I can.

That’s for everything in life, not just sports. When something is new, you don’t always know the best way to do it. Only through trial and error can we figure out what works best for ourselves.

Now I can’t ignore the fact that the better I treat my body, my mind and the people around me, the better I will perform at whatever it is I do. It took me a while to figure out exactly what all that means, but once I did, the choices became easier to make.

Lessons learned. Do what you need to do, to be who you want to be.

EXTRA TIME

Top Ten Lessons Learned as a Professional Soccer Player

1.    Don’t think about yourself so much – it’s no fun being in your own head all the time and others need you more than you need you 2.    Eat well, sleep well, drink water… well 3.    Watch soccer on TV – that’s a way to improve without having to physically exert yourself 4.    Evaluate yourself after training and games and then leave it alone. Don’t dwell on every single performance. You’ll drive yourself crazy. 5.    Find things/people outside of soccer to escape from time to time 6.    Do extra. Fifteen minutes before or after training a few times a week adds up quickly. 7.    Watch your own games a few times and take notes 8.    Ask what you need to work on and enjoy the process of getting better 9.    Accept the fact that you’ll have different roles, depending on the day 10. Most important – and the simplest – don’t forget why you play the game. Keep reminders on your wall or on your wrist, or at the bottom of your cereal bowl – you play because you love the beautiful game and at the end of the day, you always have to bring yourself back to that reality. 

Sweet 16

Lately I have been fortunate enough to work with some of America's youth… the future of our lovely earth, the only hope I have of a potential retirement plan. I'm a soccer coach. And I think a mentor. But if any of the kids I coach become president, we are surely screwed. Haha. Just kidding. They're great. But I would be scared. Just kidding. For real. I joke a lot. These kids are brilliant. Like way smarter than I ever was. They are really good at soccer. They run faster than I did (do) and understand the game better than I did at that age. And they are only 15 and 16 years old.

The thing I love about them most is that they are dying to get better. They want to learn. They want to know what it takes to get to a good college. (on the field that is...I can't help them with their Algebra). They also want to hear my stories about traveling around the world. And playing with superstar players… to which I say "why don't you ask them what it was like to play with me?" …  they're usually confused.

But I have something in common with those players. They want to hear me talk. Which I think is fantastic. Because a lot of adults think they know everything. Hell, sometimes I think that too. But these kids know that they don't, and want to know more. And I feel as though I have a lot to offer.

So I thought it would be cool to come up with a list of things that I wish I knew when I was 16 years old. I was thinking about doing a list of things I should have done differently, but we really can't have any regrets from the past, we just have to use the knowledge we currently have to impact the life we currently lead.

I'm just hoping to give them a bit of a head start.

1. Love is whatever you think it is at whatever age you are. You'll have people your whole life tell you that you're too young to know what love is or you don't know the person well enough or something along those very lines… this will actually continue most of your life. But they're your feelings, not theirs. Go with how you feel until you don't feel that way anymore. If things change, things change. But in the moment, it must have been love… (but it's over now).

2. Be patient. We all have 100 things we really want to do right now. We really can't do 100 things right now. But we can do 100 things during a lifetime. Do what you can at the time, continue to work toward what you want in the future and remember that not many things happen over night. Keep building.

3. Surround yourself with people that make you better. This one is difficult. If you can find like-minded people, that are goal-oriented and hard working and of course that treat you well, then those are the people to keep around. Everyone will have different goals. But if you can find people that are focused and help keep you focused, your journey will be more fulfilling and also a little easier. It's harder to give up when someone believes in you.

4. Judging is for a guy in a robe with a gavel. Not for you, homegirl. Be nice. People are always going through shit that you can't possibly know from seeing them in the cafeteria or at practice everyday.

5. Find good role models. Figure out why they are good. What do they do that makes the world better? If it's nothing - Kim Kardashian- then find a new one.

6. Save your money. What the eff do you really need to buy at 16? Save to enjoy college. And to do stuff that's fun when you're old enough to actually have fun.

7. Put in your hours. And even if you think you worked "hard enough" there is always more you can be doing to get better at what you want to be doing in 10-15 years.

8. Be healthy. Obviously eat whatever you want because you can, but starting good habits when you're young will lead to a much easier life style when you're older. And you won't crave Coke every damn day.

9. Don't even dare waste time being mad at people. Being mad is a huge waste of energy, and unless they ran over your iPhone, not many things are as bad as they seem. If you can forgive, it makes your life easier.

10. Keep a journal. I would love to see some of my thoughts from when I was younger. It's always good to be able to see where you came from and what things you thought were the worst moments of your life… that really weren't that bad compared to having to file your taxes.

11. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. I can't imagine growing up with Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and Snapchat and all these things that make it nearly impossible to believe our lives are sufficient. There is always someone doing something that is so much cooler than what everyone else is doing. Time spent worrying about mediocrity is time wasted in the quest to becoming fabulous.

12. Read books that you don't have to read for school. If you can make reading a habit, you will be further ahead than most adults are now. Then when they talk down to you, you can reference a famous author and they won't know how to respond. Boom. Just kidding. But knowledge does equal power according to some philosopher dude.

13. You won't like this one, but most of the time your parents do know what's best for you. Parents, you're welcome. It seems like they're out to get you sometimes. It seems like they don't care about your happiness. But they do. Otherwise they wouldn't keep you. Well, I guess it's not that easy. But they do care, a lot. And they see the bigger picture, more than you can. So trust them. Let them in your process.

14. Make sure you're doing what makes you happy. If what you do makes other people happier than yourself, it's probably not right. It's not supposed to be that way. Don't get too caught up in what you're "supposed to be doing" and get caught up in doing what makes you happy. At the end of the day, if you're doing what makes you happy, there is a good likelihood that you will be happy.

15. Be active. Not sexually. Unless your parents okay it. I don't know. Ask them. But be active and do exercise and joggings. Just be safe okay?

16. This is the most important one. Don't let anyone  tell you your dreams are stupid or that they can't be achieved. Similar to love, it's your life not theirs. You determine your success rate. If you believe you can do something, truly at your core, then go after it with reckless abandon. Don't know what that means? Me either. But just jump in head first. With all your heart. Like you would with your iced coffee that you've probably been drinking since you were 13. You got this.

Good luck.

Hey Joe

"Why do you have a video copy of the 1979 Cotton Bowl?" Yeah, that's a question I get asked sometimes if people take a wander around my bedroom. Usually they comment on things like, I don't know, the 20 photos/posters of myself and possibly the trophy case I carried upstairs and put together by myself from Ikea with no help from anyone.

If they are super interested, they always find that video. And if they dig a little more they can find clues as to why I might have that video.

-A notebook full of football cards

-A certain red jersey with a certain number and name on the back of it

-A little flag with a certain team's name on it

Then if you do a few Google searches you might find I've worn different numbers from my standard 8 -- Freshman year of college: 16. Portland Thorns FC: 19.

Why those numbers?

When I was younger I had an obsession with an athlete that didn't kick a soccer ball for a living. His name? I'm sure you can guess by now: Joe Montana.

I was fascinated by this man for several reasons.  First I have to admit that my obsession didn't happen as an accident. Here's the story:

My grandparents owned an Italian restaurant in Connecticut. One Sunday a man walked in dressed as if he came straight from the beach. Back then, if it was a Sunday and you were going out to eat, you didn't dress this way. (I would have been screwed). So my grandma saw this man and asked why he was dressed so sloppy on a Sunday for dinner.

My grandfather took her aside and said "do you know who that is?" - she had no idea and she really didn't care either. My grandfather then told her it was in fact, Joe Montana, the 49ers superstar quarterback.

This little incident turned my grandmother into a big time Joe Montana fan. (I don't know, she's a grandma, she's weird). Anyway, I got on that bandwagon just like she did. I was a huge fan of the 49ers as a result. I loved the SF Giants and even the San Jose Sharks when they came around. I loved anything that was associated with the Bay Area. The late 80s/early 90s was a massive time for developing my favorite pro sports teams.

As I grew, I realized just how good he was at what he did. He was in charge. He was the director. The orchestrator. I wanted to be like him. But I didn't know how. I couldn't play football. And I wasn't musically inclined in the slightest. And that's where something clicked for me. I started putting the pieces together. The quarterback for a football team was similar to the point guard for a basketball team and a center midfielder for a soccer team.

They dictate everything.

The reason I started thinking about Joe again was because I'm playing for a new team this year - the Washington Spirit. I'll be wearing No. 16 because someone already had 8 (and she's really big and strong and I won't fight her for it). I'll also have the opportunity to play center mid from time to time, which I've been doing for the past two weeks.

Being a center mid, you're getting pressure from all sides (like a quarter back). Decisions need to be made fast and with certainty. Any hesitation, and the moment is lost. If you've ever seen a quarter back scramble, you know that something didn't go as planned. But what I always remember from watching him was that even if things didn't go as planned, he kept his cool and always seemed so composed. That's why they called him Cool Joe. (And I'm sure he was cool off the field too.)

Being in the midfield the past two weeks, the bunch of us have experienced moments of frantic soccer and then some moments where we learn that we can deal with whatever is thrown at us… and there is a sense of cool and calm among the group. It's Joe in slow motion on video. It's beautiful sometimes. And it's a big reason I love being in that part of the field. We have the opportunity to play it cool, even if it looks to be disastrous.

There's a quote I always enjoy that pertains to every possible life situation, obviously not just soccer, though soccer is life sometimes. "True strength is keeping everything together when everyone expects you to fall apart."

The more people I meet the more I realize that literally everyone has some type of struggle. Some are always going to be worse than others, but each person is affected by things differently and handles situations in their own way. When people talk about their struggles, I don't see it as complaining. I always like to know. Because when they do well, it's always that much more impressive that they can keep it together when things are tough.

Joe showed the kind of strength athletes need to be successful. The kind that no matter what is thrown at them, they can persevere through. I don't know what struggles he had, if any (though all athletes have struggles) but I have always admired how smooth he played his game and tried to replicate that in my play and in my life. If I ever get to be half the 'Cool Joe' Joe was as a player, I'll feel I've succeeded in some small way. But if I can bring that to the real parts of my life, the every day struggles and ups and downs, then I'm a winner every single time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3AR6kctf1E

(Just Like) Starting Over

“The scariest moment is always just before you start.”Stephen King – On Writing

Every year for the past 100 or so years, I have embarked on a very simple and stated process during my soccer career: preseason, season, off season. Sometimes one is longer than it should be. Sometimes one goes the entire year. Sometimes they all kind of just overlap each other and feel like a huge blur.

No matter what segment I’m going into though, there’s always the sense of wonderment that comes with the unknown. And yeah, it’s scary.

Preseason 2014

Not to brag, but I’m currently entering my seventh year of professional soccer. Thanks to high school and college soccer, I’ve had many more preseasons than the seven professional ones. Yes, thanks.

Everyone always asks me similar questions in the lead up to preseason.

“Are you nervous?” “What will you guys do?” “Do you know anyone?” “Are you ready?” “No, seriously, are you nervous?”

I always have similar answers because... why not?

“A little” “I don’t know, ask the coach” “Yes, I know everyone” “I’m as ready as I can be” “I look cooler if I say no, huh?”

The point of the matter is that going into preseason with a new team (even sometimes old teams) you don’t really know what to expect. New people. New coaches. New philosophies. New opponents. Everything has the potential to be totally different from anything you’ve ever done before.

For the Washington Spirit preseason, everything is new for me. I’ve come into an environment with players I have never met before, with a new coaching staff and a new way of playing the game.

The scariest part for me was this morning at around 9am. Right before it started. It’s amazing how you can do something your entire life and still worry that you might not get it right. Because even though you are somewhat considered an expert on the topic, being a professional and all, you still doubt your abilities … because even though you’re a professional – you’re still human. And no one is an expert on that quite yet.

My emotions before something new starts are pretty up and down. It even changes from hour to hour.

“I’m such a good player, I’ll be fantastic” “OMG I just tripped over that curb, how will I even dribble a ball today?”

“I’m such a boss, I have tattoos” “I’m such a baby I cry during the movie Beaches”

It’s natural. It’s those first few steps into the dark room that you’ve been living in for years. The very cautious and gradual reach of your hand to see if you touched your desk. Then the simultaneous click of the light and sigh of relief that you didn’t run into anything.

It happens like that all the time.

When I was younger I was extremely shy. I know, I know. How could that even be possible?

I was terrified of going to new soccer camps, tryouts, anything that involved me being in a place that I was not familiar with.

Every time I had to go to one of these events my mom would make me go. She knew I wanted to play soccer; I just needed to get over the idea that I didn’t know anyone or anything and jump in headfirst. She knew things would be okay. But I didn’t.

Yet every single freakin’ time when she came back to pick me up, I was basically (okay, actually) in tears because I didn’t want to leave my new friends and my new environment.

It’s always been scary before the start. Ever since I can remember. It’s the made up stories you tell yourself about what could happen – before anything actually does happen that make you crazy and in turn, make it so scary.

Whether you ease into the situation like the puppy in the video below … or you get a little push like the kitten… either way, you’ll be much better off once it starts and all the worry before will seem…. Well…not so scary huh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht5dFBMgOGs

Got the whole world at her feet

Lately I've been asked why I enjoy coaching .... My immediate answers aren't anything deep because deep is reserved for my close friends and the cats. Deep is also reserved for late nights when my blog speaks to me... Begging for something more.

Recently I had our u15 and u16 GCF Academy players write reflections pieces on the first four months of the program. I felt it was a good time for them to give their thoughts on their progress, what they've learned and what they want to continue to improve on.

I got more than I could have ever imagined, including some very, very well written submissions. But before I get into that I want to tell you a little about the program I'm involved in called girlsCAN Football that's based out of Connecticut.

GCF. Where do I even begin? It's funny because the place I want to start is the place I'm still at 20 years later. I've always had a hard time finding players that wanted to do what I wanted to do. Play pickup. Take shots on goal. Kick around. Juggle . Watch games on TV. Watch Ronaldo (the old one) nutmeg everyone in sight - like even the camera man. Or anything that had to do with soccer. I was just obsessed as a kid and have been ever since. Unhealthy might be a word some people would use to describe how I feel. I have zero you know whats to give concerning this matter.

It's a fact of life that when you're in deep with something, it isn't always easy to find people or environments where this is acceptable or understood. It's hard to be accepted when you're so different. People don't always understand your obsession. I don't expect it so much now that I'm an adult-or-whatever, but when I was young I couldn't fully grasp this concept.

When I was young I didn't understand why someone wouldn't want to go to practice. I didn't understand why we would cancel practice if it was raining. I was so enamored with soccer that I, embarrassingly enough, didn't understand why our games were cancelled on 9-11. This is how it was. I can't excuse it.

I always wanted a place where little Tiffany Weimer would be so effin' happy. Where she fit in and was understood. I wanted a place where loving soccer was cool and accepted and everyone wanted to be at practice. I wanted a place where juggling records were discussed and nutmegs were encouraged. I wanted a place where players knew who Johan Cruyff actually was, not just his move. I wanted to talk about the guy was who missed that PK in the 1994 World Cup final and all the players that play on the New York Cosmos.

I couldn't make this happen when I was little. It was hard to even find boys who knew this stuff, never mind girls. But now I'm able to make this a reality.

GCF is a place where players can become obsessed with the game, with the process, with the people that inspire them, with their teammates and everything that goes along with the beautiful game. And no one judges them because everyone is on the same page. It's our little utopia.

The kids wrote their reflection pieces and said they were now in a place where they could make mistakes and people wouldn't judge them. Where soccer was their escape. Where getting better was expected and being obsessed with the game was accepted.

Many of the essays brought me to tears. In the best possible way. Players said simply that they enjoyed playing soccer again. This is way better than coaching a player to the national team level or winning a national championship. Because at the end of the day, not everyone player is going to be a superstar. Not every player will even play in college. But every player will have an opinion about soccer. They will either love it or hate it when they're done and either way, coaches have a major influence on this outcome.

Soccer practice should be a place young players are excited to go to. It shouldn't be scary or stressful or intimidating. It should be a place free of all the those things because young kids have to deal with those feelings enough with everything else they have to do. Soccer should be their escape… their freedom. A place to meg like no one is watching.

If it sounds like this is something that should be found on every team and every club with every coach, it's simply not the reality at all. I've heard horror stories from some players. It's disheartening to say the least what most youth players have to endure to play soccer. No one deserves to be belittled. No one deserves to be on the back burner. No one deserves to have something they love stripped from them for no reason whatsoever.

As a coach we have a responsibility. To create an environment where players  are accepted… where players can make mistakes and learn from them; where players can love the game of soccer without judgement; where they can grow as players and as people; where they are challenged mentally and physically; where they can find likeminded people; where they can aspire to be something more and a place where they can escape the rigors of the real world. Soccer is an incredible game. It's our responsibility to show young players just how incredible it is, while showing them just how incredible they can be as people. Because … wow. Young people. They have the whole world… literally… at their feet.

Why I love 3v3

I have this thing I do where I declare things with an intense authority. Like - Saint Bernards are the cutest dogs ever. Or My grandma makes meatballs better than any other grandma. Or Miracle Whip is the worst thing ever invented.

I just feel very strongly about certain things. I stick to my guns. I know what I know. I like what I like.

With that said, Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! JK. The absolute best kind of pickup soccer is 3v3. And no one can ever change my mind. And here is why. 

Triangles There are three players on each team. Three points make a triangle. When passing on the field, a triangle is ideal. There is always the potential to have two supporting players. There are different types of triangles you can make. It works.

Small goals If you want to work on shooting it's good to work on shooting with big goals. If you want to work on accuracy of you're passing, you want to play 3v3. Small goals do wonders for passing accuracy. It's amazing how much more accurate you can be with a "pass" when you're shooting on goal.

Nutmegs A 3v3 match should be played in a small area. When space is sparse and you can't always go around, sometimes you have to go through. Thank the soccer Gods for the nutmeg. It's the best thing ever.

Fitness One of the best parts of 3v3 is that you will get a lot of touches on the ball. Unlike 11v11 or anything close to that, you don't have much time to rest in between touches on the ball or tracking back for a sliding kick save off the goal line. It's go, go, go all the time. You're getting in good, fun soccer and also getting in fitness. It. Just. Works.

Competition During 3v3, intense little rivalries start. Things get personal because there are only three of you, but if you talk shit, everyone can hear it. It's a small field. It's an intimate setting if you will. It gets real. Goals can be scored quickly. Tackles can be hard. Things are intensified because everything happens fast in a short amount of time. And let's be honest, if you're playing 3v3, you're not in it for the thrill of almost winning. You're trying to win at any cost.

Technical Small areas. Fast paced. Your touches need to be clean and sharp or the ball will go out of bounds. It's simple as that. Not only do you need to be good on the ball to perform well in a 3v3 match, but you will also get much better on the ball as a result of playing 3v3 in a small area.

No Long Balls It forces players to play out of situations. There is no simple solution. It's all intricate. Sometimes you have to take players 1v1. Sometimes you have to use combination play. Sometimes you get lucky and the ball hits off the other team's foot and goes in the goal. No matter what, you have to think through scenarios depending on what the other team gives you.

Confidence The big field is a scary place sometimes. It's worth taking the time to build up by playing small-sided. If you find yourself struggling to be the 1v1 attacker or defender you've always wanted to be, try 3v3. It will build up your confidence and bring you back to the roots of the game.

Joy Playing 3v3 pickup, without coaches or guidance, is a way of finding the game again. It's simple. It's fun. It's competitive. It's beautiful. It's amazing. It brings joys to those who are without.

At the end of the day, people will argue that 4v4, 5v5, 6v6 or 7v7 is great for pickup. I don't think any of those completely suck for pickup, I just don't prefer them in any capacity. I think 3v3 is the absolute best.

I realize that the actual game is and always will be 11v11, but let me say this: if it ever changes to 3v3, I'm so in, it's insane. And I know who my teammates will be too. If you think you can guess, I'd love to hear them. I'll give hints for each player. One is Manya Makoski and the other is anyone else who wants to defend.

The end.

I Can't Get No Bad Distractions

Have you ever had to watch something unravel without being able to stop it? That's what happened to me yesterday while I was juggling. Every touch of the ball made it worse and worse and finally, by 403, my shoelace was completely undone.

I'm a pretty agile 30-year-old. That's what my mom says anyway. (She also claims I should be much better at the timed mile, grrr). But avoiding an undone shoelace has never been a distraction I could easily handle. I'm kind of that kid that stops playing in the dirt because she has dirt on her hands.

But today I was like, okay, I'm going to ignore my shoelace and keep going. So, I did. I got to about 600 before I actually stepped on my shoelace and dropped it. I know what you all are thinking. 'Why couldn't you just balance it on your head while you tied your shoelace then continue without dropping it, geez.' Well, for the record I thought of that, but didn't want to be a showoff at the GYM!

Anyway. The whole distraction thing kept my attention for most of the day. (Yes, I realize the irony of the whole thing.)

So I thought about all the distractions I have in my life and which ones are okay (as in, they are allowed) and which ones that are not okay (as in, I shouldn't fall for them so easily).

Some acceptable distractions for me include: pictures of kittens on the internet (go ahead, judge), playing with a 2-year-old, practicing your signature on a white board, trying on your batman mask, cleaning your room, Snapchat, reading (books), watching soccer Vines and reading Tiffany Weimer's blog (free advertising).

Unacceptable distractions: Phone calls from long-winded people, TV, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, going in the kitchen when I'm not even hungry, bringing Oreos up to my room when I'm not even hungry… stuff like that.

In the world we live in today, I feel like it's unrealistic to avoid all distractions. This is the attitude I have adopted anyway. I've learned that to best succeed in every day life, figure out what distractions are necessary for you to get a break and which ones are time wasters and energy suckers.

Of course there are different kinds of distractions, maybe classifying them as major and minor might help. (I have this theory that all people and things can be divided into two categories and on a daily basis try to come up with different ones - I think that will be a blog in its entirety.)

I'm not saying my shoelace was a major distraction in my life. But it was there and I noticed it and I did everything not to give into it. By doing so, I accomplished 200 more juggles. Not a huge feat, but I didn't let it stop me. (high fives)

I think the reason this whole idea intrigued me so much is because I was juggling when I realized it. I have been taking a ball out juggling like that since I was literally 7 years old. (The first two years of soccer I don't think I could juggle, but then again I don't really remember).

I have come across so many distractions throughout my 30 years and trying to figure out which ones are "good" and which ones are "bad" have been quite a process. It's not easy.

The "bad" distractions for me, have been both time consuming, mentally exhausting and yeah I even have a restraining order against one of them. Yep, Facebook can be a betch.

But I'm human. I fall for stupid stuff. It happens. I'm okay with the mistakes I've made and I learn from them. I have learned what I can "waste" time doing without feeling guilty about it. So… yeps. That's it.

The most important thing to remember: Well, only you know what distractions are worth your time. Only you can figure out what is worth stopping your mission for (as long as you go back to it!) Everyone is different. And if you don't think that this photo is worth it, meaning we can never be friends, then that's one less (awesome) distraction you'll ever have to deal with. Just kidding. I just really hope that my blog is on your list of distractions. That's all.

Great (Eye) Balls of Fire

I'm not crazy. (Well, keep reading, I might be a little) I don't listen to all of my sudden urges though. Imagine if I did?

I would be out for 1 am runs quite often. And probably have a white board in my car with things written on them for certain drivers that pass by. And maybe wear my Batman mask through the Dunkin Donuts drive thru. (I'll have a Batte-that was a stretch).

But I don't listen to all of my urges. It's okay that I don't. I think it means I'm somewhat sane. But one that I usually can't ignore is the urge to write. If I had to compare the image of grabbing my laptop off my desk at 2am, I would say it's similar to a husband getting the call that his wife is in labor, him trying to put his shoes on frantically, forgetting his keys the first time and shutting his jacket in the driver's side door.

Sometimes I knock papers and pens on the ground while holding my laptop while still laying in my bed with the strongest finger grip of my life so that it doesn't fall to the ground. Everyone does it. Come on.

So, to answer your question Rainer Maria Rilke:

"This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write?"

Yes. I must.

This is what's on my mind guys. I love people who love what they do. Those are my type of people. I don't care what it is you do, how old you are, where you're from, or anything, if you love what you do, and you're convincingly passionate about it, I just love you.

I have had conversations with people who are so passionate about what they do that you can see a legitimate flame appear in their eyes. For a quick second you even check behind you because the possibility that the flame in their eyes is a reflection of a fire behind you is real. But then you realize that it's just this human being full of love.

I've also realized that there are times when showing how passionate you are for something might not always be the coolest thing, so people shy away from it. I would now like to bring you back to the mid to late 90s - and introduce you to a kid that loved soccer so much, she didn't know anything else was going on in the world. A few examples...

When my grandma passed away, I was probably around (really young) years old. She lived in Florida and my family was explaining that my brother, sister and I had to go to her funeral. When they told me when it was I told them I was unable to go, I had a soccer tournament. (For the record, that's not why I didn't go)

I was thrown a surprise birthday party in 8th grade. I had a game that night. I showed up to my party in my shinguards, full uniform and my turf shoes. Stayed like that the entire time. (kept the tape on my shinguards, in case you were wondering)

The morning after my senior prom, I woke up in the hotel room with all of my friends still asleep. It was 5am and my mom was outside waiting to take me to a tournament in Long Island.

As you can see, I have had my priorities set in my head from a very young age. I loved soccer and I didn't care who knew it. I was so passionate about it that I didn't understand how other people couldn't be. At the time, I was mostly interested in people who loved soccer. And trust me, growing up, those people were very hard to come by.

As an (almost) adult, I have found that I still am obsessed with people who love soccer. Nothing makes my adrenaline run like actually playing, but talking about it, or coaching, or anything within the game comes pretty close.

I've grown in the sense that I appreciate people that are passionate in general. People that, no matter what the outsider may think of them or what consequences may arise, they put their all into what they do and enjoy every single second. I appreciate that for two major reasons: 1. They are in the minority and 2. They are likely viewed as an outsider.

Since my opinion hardly matters, I'll quote someone that has a bit more prestige... (Don't worry, it's not Richard Sherman) my boy Aristotle said, "To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing."

I bring this up now because I coach teenagers. Lately I've been reminded of the pressures that come along with going to high school and trying to play soccer. It's not easy. It's not easy as is. It's not easy with school or another sport (this is for a later blog- I believe in specialization despite all the studies) and it's not easy socially. But I have to use this blog to say that it's more than okay to be different and do what you love and let everyone know it, at any age.

We should all let the world see our fire.

I Alone (love to be alone)

The last three days have been spent doing the following: Working out (coming back from a ten-day absence due to severe bronchitis and other happenings that were mentioned in previous blogs). It's amazing how only two weeks ago, running felt fabulous. Now, it feels as though someone is playing a sick game of "hide yo lungs".

Finishing the Jim Morrison book. (More on that later)

Watching the NWSL (Twitter) wheel and deal.

Wondering why my mom (and I assume many moms) saved the Welch's jelly jars and still uses them as drinking glasses.

And finally, watching soccer games on TV.

Coming next… my thoughts on all of these things.

First, working out. No, actually there's nothing more to say in that area. It can only go up from here.

First, Jim Morrison.

"When we became a concert group, a record group, and were contracted to provide so many albums per year, so many singles every six months, that natural spontaneous generative process wasn't given a chance to happen… "Do I think my work has suffered? Yeah, I do. If we did nothing but record, it would probably be alright. But we do other things, too, so there's not the time to let things happen as they should."

This is what Jim said when he realized his creative juices weren't flowing like they used to. He was experiencing life as "giving the customer what he wants", which meant things were forced. Songs weren't happening naturally, like they had in the past, and for an artist, I imagine (though we are all capable artists in my opinion) this must be the worst.

This really lit my fire. (Had to.)

We try to force things a lot. And this brought me right back to a Huffington Post article I read several weeks ago asking what we are willing to suffer for. We all want things. We all want things really badly. But what are we willing to suffer for? (I highly suggest reading the article.)

So, naturally, I put all this together. For over 25 years, I've been willing to suffer for the beautiful game of soccer. I've lived all over the world. I've put in well over my 10,000 hours. I've let it rip my heart out of my chest (emotionally and physically) and bruise my body (and ego) and like an abusive boyfriend who loves you when no one is watching, kept going back every time. Because it was always worth suffering for. And to me, it always will be.

But there are so many things that I've tried (applause for trying) and failed miserably, simply because, I realize now, I simply didn't want it bad enough.

I think that's a hard realization to come to for a lot of people. Because that ideal life is so appealing. It's so tempting, yet it's just not appealing enough for you to want it sometimes.

For me, and yeah it's a bit personal maybe, but I always had this idea that I could be a huge socialite. It's comical to me now, because it's really not what I wanted at all. I truly dislike being in big groups of people. I tried to love it for a long time. I convinced myself I needed to learn how to dance and "do what everyone else was doing". For five years, nothing changed. During 2013, mostly through my journaling and reflecting, I realized that I didn't want that at all. I really enjoyed solitude and being in small groups or one on one with people.

I had played with that idea a few years ago when I was living in Brazil. I read Walden (Thoreau) around that time and remembered being around people constantly (I lived in a house with almost the entire Santos team- almost 30 people) and rarely had any time to myself. This is when I truly learned to appreciate it, but later disregarded it because I was in a foreign country.

I'm very content knowing I'm a loner. I don't have a group of "girls". I don't attend happy hour. What I do have are incredible human beings placed all around the world that I can sit down and have a cup of coffee with and feel completely consumed with every word they say and every thing that they do.

I think that's enough for tonight. The other stuff can wait.

Except … if I was more of a socialite, I probably wouldn't even notice that my mom still has those Welch jelly jars… because I doubt I'd be okay living at home at 30 years old. But man, I just don't mind it at all.

When you figure out what makes you happy (and what you're willing to suffer for), and are okay with it, everything starts to come a little more naturally. It really does.

(Bad) Day After (Bad) Day

It's come to my attention (mostly through social media) and the occasional human interaction, that many people succumb to having more bad days than good days. It is to my belief that regardless of what happens throughout a day, if a bad thing occurs, it is automatically heralded as a bad day in its entirety.

Things that can contribute to a bad day may include: a flat tire, your dog peeing on your carpet, you stepping in the pee with your socks on, you not having anymore clean socks to wear, Starbucks getting your order wrong, spilling said wrong order on your shirt, traffic making you late for work, your kid forgetting their homework at home and you have to bring it to them, rain, snow, wind, rude customers, rude drivers, rude... every body is rude, and the famous -having to go to work.

All these things, or some of these things, have happened to many us of throughout our little journey called life. They happen. And they piss people off like no other.

At first I was concerned with the people of planet Earth. I thought to myself "however will we continue on as a human race if all these things bother us so often." Then the 20 second older and more mature version of myself realized "duh, I haven't told anyone how to fix this problem, it's my fault!"

ALAS!

By Webster's definition, I am considered an adult. By many adult's definitions, I'm considered young still. By my definition and most of the people I ask face-to-face, I'm considered awesome.

So here, for you, I have my almost-adult-like-way-of-having-awesome-days-while-still-being-an-adult…kinda.

Rule 1: You look stupid AF (the kids use that, it means as fuq) when you let stupid shit get to you. Like you look so stupid. If you let good things get to you as much as you let stupid shit get to you, you would look like you won the lotto every day. But you don't. You let the parking meter guy get to you. And he wins. And he loves it. And you look stupid as shit. Stop. Doing. That.

Rule 2: Let love win … haha no, that's not Rule 2. Rule 2 is don't let stupid shit get to you! Yep, again. You definitely didn't listen the first time.

Rule 3: The people you want to keep in your life are not the people that welcome you to bitch and moan about everything humanly possible. Those people just encourage the whole looking stupid thing. You want to know who is worth your time? The person that says, stop it, you look stupid AF. And if you think that it's okay to let every little thing bother you, then stop reading this. Because you won't like the rest of what I have to say.

Rule 4: Throughout your "miserable" day, good things will happen. You will have a very hard time recognizing them, because you are so caught up in looking stupid AF, so it's likely you miss them. You are consumed with telling everyone your problem via social media, text messages, emails, etc… that even though your boss just said your hair looks lovely today, you shrug it off because "I don't have time for compliments, this awful coffee I continue to drink is not what I ordered." LET IT GO. See the good.

Rule 5: That nice thing you keep thinking about doing or saying for the past few weeks… here's an idea. Do it. It will make you happy. And not look stupid AF. We are conditioned on this new Earth to think that by doing something nice for someone we will look stupid AF or obsessive or weird and that is just not true because it's so damn rare now. Just do/say what you're thinking. We know someone is likely having a bad day and we can actually help them. So please, be a good human and do it.

Rule 6: If you can't help but always be a miserable human, stay away from the rest of us. Please. ELO said it best with "Don't Bring Me Down" . If you want to get better and I highly suggest you should want that, then yes, give me a call, I'll help. But if you need a bitch session, all day erryday, go away.

Okay, so the rules were mostly for fun. And because I like saying stupid AF. But on a serious note, it's easier to let the bad things get to us than the good things. It's easy to complain and give in to misery. We all do it. And we have all done it. It's not realistic to say that every person should be the bubbly ray of sunshine that goes around kissing people on the forehead. That's definitely not me, that's for sure.

But over the years I have forced myself to learn how to control my attitude and my days. I have taken control of all the situations in my life as best as I can. Which has been a difficult road. Mostly because I'm a worrier. That's why my friends call me Ocho, because I worry eight days a week. (That's not true). Most of my friends refuse to call me Ocho.

I've gotten to the point where I can allow hearing a good song on the radio make my day. Or getting a really good cup of coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Or having a good juggling session or run. Notice I didn't even say great. Because it doesn't always need to be great for it to make me feel great. I let the good play over and over in my head throughout the day. And I think about it while I'm falling asleep. Bad things still happen throughout my day, but I don't let them mess with my beat. And neither should you.

That's my advice for the day. And if you need a little push each day, do what I do and listen to the opening of this song (up until 23 seconds) while imagining yourself walking in slow motion down a crowded street where people are voluntarily moving out of your way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_wzi-kTVOI