Almost every year around this same exact time, I get sick. I like to think it’s my body’s way of rewarding me after a long hard year. You see, if I’m sick then I can’t go out for any type of New Year’s celebration. Not that I would anyway, but at least if you’re sick no one will hassle you. Not that anyone hassles me anyway.
It just makes me feel better to not feel good.
So, I get a few days to do nothing. Aside from read, write and watch games on TV.
I have been thinking about the past year as one does when something ends. I think I changed more in the past year than I have in the past five years put together. In a good way.
When I woke up on the morning of March 9 of this year, I wrote in my journal, “I’m just not sure if people will let me be myself, and that’s all I want really. I don’t know if I’ll make friends like I did in Kansas.”
Whenever I venture into something new, I’m always hesitant. I’m always optimistic, but I’m always hesitant. I don’t know what it is. I have no bad experience to base it off of. I have no reality where I didn’t make friends on a team or in a new place. I don’t know where it comes from. It’s just a self-doubt.
I worked at Heather O’Reilly’s Hometown Holiday Clinic last week and one of the pieces of advice she gave to the young players was that we have to have: self-discipline, self-belief and something else I can’t remember right now.
I probably didn’t listen after she said self-belief.
Self-belief is one of those funny words/phrases. It’s the one we tell everyone to have but always have a hard time with it ourselves. I do a decent job with self-belief. I think I’m good at what I do if I put effort into it. I’m not naturally anything. I have to work at things. Funny, yes, that’s the exception.
So, what I’ve realized is that I don’t doubt my own self-belief, I doubt the effort I’m going to put into something. Maybe I’m getting tired. Maybe I don’t think I have it in me to give that much. Maybe that something isn’t a priority anymore.
I realized this while looking back at my year. I didn’t know if I had it in me to go to physical therapy every week and do extra work and take care of my body like an old ass hag professional, but I did. I didn’t know if I would go out of my way to make new friends and take the time to learn the cool apps and songs that the little kids were listening to, but I did and realized they weren’t so little.
I didn’t know if I could do school and run a business and train and coach and still watch shows on Netflix, until I put my damn head down and worked to figure out my schedule and become more disciplined than ever. I stopped doubting the effort I would put into things and just started doing it. And I am happy to report that business is really good, grades are all As, my body feels great, my kids are getting better and loving the game and I have been crushing Netflix and reading books. Sounds like bragging? Yeah, probably. But really, it’s just that I proved myself wrong, which I hate but love.
As 2018 approaches, I chose to share this bit with you all because nothing is easy for anyone. I talk to so many people who do awesome things and it’s rarely smooth. Yet, it’s not the smooth that we are seeking, it’s the act of doing the something. No one says, “Yeah, I went back to school, but it was so hard and so challenging, I wish I hadn’t done it.” They say, “Yeah, I went back to school and it was hard AF but I did it and I’m so glad I did.”
With that all said, here is my best advice. Jump in. Do it. Whatever it is. Don’t doubt yourself. The doubt floats in the space between you and that thing that is yours. Move it. Erase it. Push it. Pull it. Bop it. (I couldn’t resist). Just get rid of it. And start.
Happy New Year! Hope 2018 is good for you all.