"Mom, if you ever have to make me go to practice, that's how I know I'm done playing."

"...it's a choice you make." This is the end of a conversation I had with a young soccer player recently. She told me she wanted to play professional soccer when she was older. And I told her what it takes.

Well, I told her one thing that I thought it took. And one decision I made without knowing I made it.  And I guess it was something soccer taught me without knowing it for a long time... but now I see what I have learned.

I was young. So young I wasn't in control of what I wore or where I went or anything. But I had the choice to play a sport. I chose soccer. And from the minute I made that choice, I made another choice. Soccer was my life.

Now, honestly, people say that shit all the time. "Soccer is my life." It's your life because you have practice three times a week and games on the weekends and can't go on all the vacations you want because you have tournaments in the summer.

That's not your life.

When I say soccer is my life, I mean, I wake up and find the latest youtube soccer video. Every piece of food I take in is dependent on when my workouts, trainings or games are. I schedule my life around games in the afternoon for Champions League and then wake up early on the weekends to watch EPL. I kick anything that rolls. And even things that don't roll. I like Sting a little more than other artists because he likes soccer and sometimes kicks balls out at his concerts. I'd rather wear a jersey than anything in the world. Eh, I don't know. I'm consumed. And soccer really is my life. And it has always been like this.

I was different when I was younger. I have a picture at a party in 8th grade and I had my full uniform on, shinguards and everything. Darkness was the only thing that got me to go inside from kicking the ball around. My Christmas list was straight out of Eurosport. I wanted my birthday party to be an indoor soccer game. I watched black and white videos of World Cups for hours and hours. By the time I was 10 years old, I not only knew how to do the Zico and a Cruyff, but I could pick them out of a crowd if I had to.

I was immersed in the game. In the same way that H.G. Bissinger had to be immersed in Odessa, Texas to write Friday Night Lights. I was taken out of whatever normal life I was in and put into a new one. That's the only way you can truly understand something to the fullest. You have to become a part of it.

In order to do this, you have to miss out on some other parts of your life. It takes a big sacrifice to immerse yourself into something. But it also gives big rewards.

Here's what I've learned. I'm a soccer nerd. I've always been a soccer nerd. In a way that rolling a golf ball through my cats legs makes me giggle. But it's gotten me some where. And I'm not talking about playing professionally and having experiences with the USWNT. I know what it's like to be different. To not follow the crowd. My whole life I wasn't doing what everyone else was doing, and because I was so caught up in soccer, I didn't even notice it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. That choice you make to play soccer or to do something you think is fun is a small decision in the grand scheme of life. How far you take the commitment to that decision will determine what comes from it.

I made my commitment to soccer when I was 5 years old and I never looked back. I never doubted how I felt about it. I was in. And I was in deep. And 23 years later, I'm still there.

Bissinger moved his wife and kids to Odessa to live the life of a football-crazed town in Texas to write a book about it. That was the only way he would ever fully grasp what that lifestyle was like.

How far will you go to get to where you want to be?

I Still Believe

Life is interesting being a female. All your life you're told that you can do anything.

But is it true?

It's funny because I think I went through phases. When I was little I believed I could truly do anything. I could go to the moon, play professional soccer, invent the next greatest thing and become a millionaire.  As I got older, the thought became that I could do some things, but probably not everything. I could possibly play professional soccer, if there was a league. The moon didn't seem too realistic and the only thing I might be able to invent was myself. And now, in my late 20s, I have fallen back to the beliefs of my youth and think anything is possible.

I'm not sure if this is the case for everyone. And I don't know that I would have ever had this realization had I not kicked a soccer ball for 23 years.

Here's the thing. I've been coaching a lot of little girls lately. Every time we work on a new skill I tell them they can do it. Three quarters of them look at me like I'm crazy. Like juggling is the most impossible task in the world. The others look at me as though I have all the answers, and one of them is knowing that they CAN do it.

The ones that believe are okay. What scares me are the ones that don't.

Why would I be scared? Well, I guess the time to believe in anything is when you're young. You don't know any better than to think anything is possible. So why wouldn't these girls believe me when I tell them they can do it? I can go right ahead and say parenting or teachers or coaches. Because these are the people influencing kids. Right? But I just can't imagine these people telling girls they can't do it.

What could it be?

I'm not even really sure I have an answer. But I do know what a lifetime of playing soccer can do for someone's confidence. And for someone's belief in the seemingly impossible.

I started kindergarten a year too early. According to the book Outliers by Maclcom Gladwell, if I had continued on the path of being a really young starter, I would have fallen behind significantly. My parents held me back to a transitional grade before entering first grade. This way, I was actually one of the older kids in my grade. And it changed my life forever.

I was able to accomplish small things. But I'm not talking about just the classroom. I'm talking about on the field. Every time I was able to do one thing, I moved on to the next. By the time I was 10 I could juggle over 200 times. And when I was 15 I was up to 740. I saw the progression. Not just in juggling but in everything I did on the field.

I have always used juggling as a bench mark in my life. The older I've gotten, the more I'm able to do. Because I've been working on it, yes, but also because I believe that I can do it. I know that I'm capable. I know that I've always been able to improve on my self, regardless of the circumstances in my life.

I dreamt of going to college and getting a scholarship so my parents didn't have to pay. I dreamt of being a professional soccer player. I dreamt of playing on TV and traveling around the world. I dreamt of being a writer and of one day writing a book. And I continue to dream and believe.

This is something I take pride in and I want to pass on to others.

Anything is possible. Not because I'm some corny optimist. I'm definitely not. I've just learned that if you want something and you have that almost-arrogant self-belief, anything really is possible.

Soccer has done a lot of things for me, but instilling the belief that there is no limit to your life is something I value more than most others.

This is why every December 5, when I turn a year older, I know that the 365 days ahead of me can be jam packed with absolutely anything I want.

And one of those days, NASA is going to call for me to be the first woman to juggle a soccer ball on the moon.

Hey, why not??

Give Me One Reason

I had a great conversation a few weeks ago with one of my mentors. We talked about ourselves compared to many other players who we've come across in our time. One of the biggest differences we noticed was how people approached the game of soccer. We split them up in two categories: people who play to get something out of it and people who play for the love of the game.

This sparked my interest quite a bit.

If the sole purpose of playing is to get something out of it, I feel as though there's always a chance that the game can fail you. You might not get to the college of your dreams or play professionally or travel the world with a national team. The shoe deals, commercials and ESPY award nomination just might fall through. Then what? Do you walk away from the game with a bitter taste in your mouth because you didn't get out of it what you expected?

Then there are the people who play for the love of it. The pickup game is just as enticing as the World Cup final and really, the game doesn't ever let you down, because it is always there. It can't let you down. The cool thing I've found by having this attitude is that you realize how much more you can get out of it when you don't expect it. Kind of the theme of this blog. All the great things that can come from playing usually aren't the reasons people play for.

My worry for the people who play to get something out of it is that bitter feeling they have toward soccer. They hated their college experience. Or the professional level wasn't what they expected. Then they're the parent that lives vicariously through their child playing. Or the coach that takes it out on their players because they weren't all they expected to be. I've actually seen this all too often.

I'm not sure exactly how to change this behavior pattern. Is it even something you can change? I mean I know there will always be the player who plays to get something out of it. But it's my hope that there can be less.

It's like gift-giving right? You don't give to receive. You give because you want to. Because you enjoy it. Not because you will get something in return. If you play or do something because you simply love doing it, you don't expect anything.

If soccer, or anything else you've done in your life has been a disappointment, think about the reasons why it was disappointing to you. What did you expect to get out of it? And what actually happened? After you get that out of your mind, think of all the good things that came as a result.

I might not ever get to play in the Olympics or the World Cup. But then I think back to all the times I've been on a field with a ball. From being in my front yard at 10 years old to kicking against the wall at Oakwood when I was 15 or knocking it around in racquet ball courts with Carmelina Moscato at Penn State when I was 21 and finally playing pickup with the boys now at 27. I don't do it for any reason except I love doing it.

So the question for you is..

Why is it you do whatever it is you do?

Soccer has taught me to do things for the right reasons. And for that, I have gotten more out of it than I ever could have imagined.

Pow! Boom! Bam!

Every person who has a blog and hasn't blogged in a while starts it off with how busy they've been and how it's been so difficult to keep up with writing. Blahg, Blagh, Blagh.

I just didn't feel like writing until today. There. That's my only reason.

With that said, I've had tons of ideas run through my brain.  But the theme I'm going with today is humility.

Some who know me well might think this is a joke, because I come off so cocky and confident at times. Truthfully, that's one side of me. With the style of play I've developed (BAMF), I have to act that way to a certain extent. I'm not going to meg someone with the "oh, I hope this move works" attitude. So, at times it's hard to switch out of that mentality. (Yes, I know this contradicts most superheroes because they're BAMFs and then in real life they're dorky (sorry Bruce, sorry Clark). Wait, did I just compare myself to a superhero?

YEP.

And this is why.

Like superheroes, athletes have been known to save the day. Look at Lionel Messi today in El Clasico.  He came out of nowhere to score the game-winner with three minutes to go in the game. He saved the day for Barcelona fans everywhere. As soccer players, we're given this opportunity every game we play in. Whether it's a finger -tip save, or a clearance off the line, or more obvious, the game-winning goal - no matter what, you can come up big for your team and save them.

Once you've done this a few times, people start to depend on you regularly. It becomes something expected. I had this in college and for a few teams after that, but not so much on the regular in my career. Which is fine, because I've learned to put my trust in others too. I've learned it's not always going to be about me all the time and it's not always my job to save the day. Duh, why do you think Batman brought in Robin? I doubt he wanted to share the success all the time, but he knew his limits and knew that he had to.  He knew that if he wanted to save the day (or win the game) he had to trust others.

And this is what I've learned in my life. Outside of soccer, it's great to take the world on going full speed on your own. But you're going to run out of gas sooner or later. You're going to need someone's help sooner or later. The faster you can admit this to yourself, the easier life becomes.

When you're watching a soccer game and a player gets to the end line with the ball, one of two things will happen : 1) the player will try to shoot from a ridiculous angle or 2) the player finds an open teammate in the box that can easily slide it home for a goal. The decision that's made in this instinct says a lot about the person. (Obviously if they mess up that's a different story about repetition during practices)

Humility; (noun) the quality or condition of being humble;  modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

It's not always about the things you do...  sometimes it's about the things you don't do. And knowing you can't do them.

We're Going to Be Friends

With the Women's World Cup upon us, it is incredible to see how a sport can unite the world.  Soccer makes it possible for people from Equatorial Guinea and Brazil to have a common ground, even if it's only for 90 minutes. What soccer does on a global scale is something people are always talking about and something that is well established: fans of the game come together to enjoy the sport they love.

As a player, though, I've seen first hand how soccer can bring people together, and ultimately, keep them together.

I can honestly say that the majority of my soccer friends are people I probably would have never been friends with had I not met them on the field.  I can go through them and give you reasons why, but we all know that I have way too many friends for that. What I can tell you, though, is how soccer made us friends, and how soccer will keep us friends.

Now, obviously this is just a theory of mine, and last I checked, I'm no philosopher, but usually people write about what they think they know about, right?

I think about my friends a lot. I always wondered how soccer can keep me so connected to them. Then one day, I found the answer: passion.

It's really hard to play soccer at a high level if you're not passionate about it. It's really hard to do anything at a high level if you're not passionate about it. But what I've found about soccer players is that for the most part, they're passionate about everything they do. I remember team bowling outings that were some of the most competitive experiences of my life, simply because a lot of my teammates were passionate about winning. I have friends who are incredible artists, speakers, business women, promoters, musicians and coaches. They are passionate about what they do. And that's why I love them. That's why I understand them and they understand me. Because we're one in the same.

This has made the friend selection outside of soccer really interesting. The first thing I look for in people is if they are passionate or not.

That makes me wonder yet again. Does soccer bring passion out of someone who doesn't have it? Or do passionate people choose to play soccer?

I don't have the answer to this. And I think it's something difficult to measure because most kids start at such a young age and it would be hard to say if they are truly passionate about anything at that point.

I have found as of late that I don't care what you are passionate about. I don't care if it's car racing, flowers or Frosted Flakes. As long as you are passionate about something and you care about something enough that it makes you feel. If you're Frosted Flakes are too soggy, it pisses the eff out of you, and when they're perfect, man, it makes your freaking day. But whatever it is, it makes you feel something. If you don't care about anything, nothing will bother you. You won't be sad. You won't be happy or angry. You'll just exist. Flatline. Blah. Boring.

But if you have passion, not only will you live just a little bit more, but you'll meet other people who are similar and even more so than that, you'll see that your attitude can be contagious. AND above all of that, you will have the possibility to be my friend and let's face it, it doesn't get much better than that ;)

Big Time, So Much Larger Than Life

I feel as though most of the life lessons that come from playing soccer may come across as cliché to many.  Sometimes that scares me when I start a new blog.  Like of course we will be more confident women and of course we will work well with others, we play a team sport. Then I remind myself that it’s not always about the message, but about how it’s delivered, and I can say confidently that, like any side-armed pitcher in MLB, my delivery is anything but typical. With that said, one of my favorite acquired qualities from soccer is the idea of being bigtime.

Notice I said the idea of being bigtime.

It’s no surprise to anyone that we don’t make killer salaries and live in mansions with waterfront views.  (If that is a surprise, I’m sorry to shatter anyone’s false images).  We do, though, get to play soccer for a living, which technically qualifies us as professional athletes.  When people think of professional athletes, they think of all that comes with it… the money, the fame, the houses and cars, the Nike contracts and Gatorade commercials.  That is very much the reality for thousands of athletes, but not for the majority of women’s soccer players.

It was 2007, and I had recently signed for the SoccerPlus CT Reds (my all-time favorite group of players after the 2005 Nittany Lions).  It was during my preparation for the WPSL season that I met Mike LeGates.  According to Mike and everyone who knows him, everyone reading this should know him, so he doesn’t need an introduction of any sort.

The reason I want to talk about Mike is because I met him at a crucial time in my life; I was a year out of college, was in and out of USWNT and U-21/23 camps and had no idea how to prepare myself for these events.  Mike, among many other things, has been my soccer-specific strength and conditioning coach for the past four years.  At a time where I felt lost, I found the person who would help me get to the next level, physically and mentally.  If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

But the thing about Mike that’s so telling is not the incredible sessions he comes up with, or the motivation he instills in his players, or even the fact that strength and conditioning is just a side thing he does because he loves doing it.  What’s so telling about Mike, is how he conducts himself and the message he wants you to walk away with, a message that is so much stronger than moving your arms when you run, or landing quietly on box jumps.

Mike has taught all that have known him that being bigtime doesn’t have to be something that comes with money or fame.  Being bigtime is a state of mind that people can achieve on their own personal level.

Some of my favorite Mike LeGate’s stories include such things as: giving money back to clients who he felt just didn’t fit his mold; bringing his high school soccer uniform to school in a dry cleaners bag; handpicking players from Connecticut that he wants to work with and having a pair of ¾ adidas pants that only come out in the summer.

I felt like this was exactly what I needed in life, and not in an arrogant way.  I learned quickly from him that if I was going to do something in life, I might as well do it up as big as possible.  What’s the point of doing something half-assed?  So when I asked his advice on getting an agent for WPS he said confidently, “absolutely, that’s so bigtime.”  I received similar answers for my contract with adidas, playing in Europe, having my own website, being featured in different news mediums, getting a customized “OCHO” license plate and so on.

When I look back on my career, I’ll be able to say I lived life as a professional athlete to the best of my abilities. I lived it up. I did, and continue to, do all I can with what I have.  And I think that’s something people tend to forget.  A lot of times I like to give my mom money, because that’s what many NBA and NFL players do when they get professional contracts.  But instead of two million, it’s usually like two hundred.

In case I did a bad job getting the message across in this one, let me sum it up real quick: if you’re going to go to a concert; sit in the first row.  If you’re going to rent Saw, rent all of them and watch them in one day, and if you’re going to be Batman for Halloween you damn well better be walking around with someone dressed as the Joker or Robin.  Why not?? Do it and do it big.  You won’t regret it.

In fact, I promise it will make for a better experience and a hell of a story when you’re older.

And though I know I still have a long way to go before I’m at Mike’s standard, I am thankful for all he has bestowed onto me and very content with the title LBT aka Little Bigtime, until further notice.

Nothing On You

In my time playing soccer I have had a lot of coaches. I have had coaches who believed in every single step I took, and I've had coached coaches who didn't think I was good enough to see the pitch. Sometimes, these coaches were one in the same. Crazy huh? A coach has the ability to make or break a player.  I know so many people will argue that the player has to be mentally tough enough to deal with anything a coach does or says, but let's face it, it's never that easy.  Think about it in the sense of school work.  If you study your ass off and get an F, it doesn't really matter what you think personally, because you failed on paper.  Just like in practice if you're doing everything in your power and don't start over the weekend, it really doesn't matter what you think, you're on the bench.

It's during these times that players are tested the most in my opinion.

I can't tell you how many of my friends have come to me asking for advice about soccer.  Rarely do they come to me when they are playing and things are going well though, which is natural.  But one of the most common issues is that a player starts questioning their ability based on the decisions a coach is making. And don't get me wrong, I've been here a lot in my career.  I know this feeling all too well and it's pretty amazing how difficult it is to take my own advice, but I try, no matter what, to always remember that I'm a good player and that I am deserving of a spot on the field regardless of what any coach thinks.

So, even now it's easy for me to type this because I have been playing for my current team. Ask me this question last year, and I might have had a different answer for you.  Soccer is like that.  There are ups and downs. I have been up and down a lot. The key for any player to succeed is to remember that a coach is just one person. That person might have an agenda that has absolutely nothing to do with you or maybe you don't fit the style the team plays, or simply put, they just don't like how you play.  That doesn't mean every coach will think that and that doesn't mean you're a bad player - all it means is that ONE coach doesn't dig you. Trust me when I say it's not the end of the road, especially if you have the right attitude.

One thing I have always been really good at is believing in myself. I know my style of play doesn't fit the usual mold. I'm not the strongest or the fastest or even the hardest worker, but I like to play soccer like I think it should be played. I know I'm good at what I do, but at the same time I'm realistic with my expectations... I kind of always have been too.  Of course there are times I have to remind myself or I have to call my mom to hear that I'm good at soccer, but those self-doubt periods don't usually last long. They can't or I would never have any confidence.

One of the many reasons I decided to leave Boston last season was because I started to doubt myself as a player. As soon as I felt that inch into my life, I knew I needed a change.  I knew I was good and going to Sweden for three months reassured that.

I will never forget listening to a radio station that was lecturing the world of parents on three things you should never ever tell your children, and one of them was: "Don't ever tell them that they're the best." I was absolutely appalled. They said something about kids growing up feeling entitled because of this. My thoughts are different: I feel as though so many people will try to shut you down... so many people won't want you to succeed.  Take every ounce of all the good people in your life and soak it up like wine on a carpet and don't ever let it go.

Don't let one person's opinion dictate who you want to be or where you want to go. Don't let two people's opinion do that. Honestly, the depths of a person are incredible and even the most "insecure" people are stronger beyond anything they could ever imagine.

All in all, be you. They will either love you or hate you... but either way, they will never make you.

Mother's Day

So, it seems as though I've started a trend over the last few years with my blog.  Every Mother's Day I dedicate my page for soccer, humor and emotions to the woman who has influenced my life the most. This year would be no different.

I recently found a blog I had written four years ago about an event in my life that took place in 1998.  It shows well the relationship my mother and I have. Soccer has brought us together in a way nothing else ever could.  It's just one of the many things the game has done for me. Enjoy.

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The details are a bit hazy. But I do remember more than I thought I would.

It was December, 1998 and I was guest playing for the South Central u-15 team.  I always played a year up so I was age-eligible for this team still.

It was just my mom and me on the day-long drive to Florida.  Our destination this time would be Cocoa Beach.  I had been there before for vacation, but at this point in my life, I had never played soccer in the Sunshine State.

It was so cold when we left the day after Christmas.  Every time we would stop at a gas station I would get a cappuccino and she would get a coffee or some energy pills to keep her awake for the drive.  The heat in the car made us sleepy.

I would usually sleep during most long car rides and this time was to be no different, especially because I was sick.  I have a tendency to get sick during the holidays because it’s a change from my usual schedule.  It somehow throws off my entire immune system.  This still holds true today.

But anyway, we didn’t drive all through the night because that would have been just too much for my mom- so we stopped somewhere in Virginia for the night… just a cheap motel off of I-95 (pretty typical for trips to Fla.).

The next morning we still had quite a bit of driving to do.  We stopped at another gas station to refuel, the car and ourselves.  This gas station had way more than snacks though. It was almost like a glorified highway gift shop.  Doing what we do best, we got caught up in all the cassette tapes that were at the front counter.  There were a bunch of good ones and we needed a little pick-me-up for the drive, so we bought some.

Greatest Hits of the 70s, Steppenwolf’s Greatest Hits and one more that I can’t remember.  We listened to those tapes over and over for the rest of the ride and when I hear those songs today it brings me right back to being in the Bravada with my mom, having a blast.

Now that I think of it, that’s not all we listened to on the way down there. She had brought Third Eye Blind’s first album in the car with us, and I had hooked my CD player to the tape player to listen to it.  To this day that is one of my favorite albums and it is obvious why.

So, the only two things I remember about this trip are the car ride there and the final game of the tournament...

It wasn’t my team and I had never played with these girls before, but we made it to the finals of the Coca Expo Tournament.  The grass wasn’t anything special, mostly a bunch of weeds, but the field was surrounded by palm trees, big, beautiful palm trees.  And it was hot, hot and humid … even more so for a group of girls from Connecticut.

My mom was happy- she was on the sidelines getting a tan and enjoying the weather.  As hot as it was, I was still really happy.  I had my royal blue South Central jersey on (even though it was #18 instead of  #8) my headband and my Mundial Team Turfs.  (This was before I met Dave Clarke who forbade me to ever where turfs on grass again).

The score went back and forth but I don’t recall exactly how.  All I know is that with one minute left in regulation the score was 3-2 and we were losing… and I hated losing.  In the past with games like these I would come through as the hero and on that day, I would do exactly that.  In the 89^th minute I had the ball in their box and felt a slight nudge from one of their defenders.

Before I continue I would just like to say that I am a fair player- but when I was younger I did watch a lot of soccer-especially the Brazilians and well let’s just say I learned a few things from them besides the nutmeg and bicycle kick.

After I felt the nudge I flopped like a fish and probably could have gotten an Oscar for the role.  With no time to think or to thank the many people who had gotten me to that point in time, I was up to take the penalty kick.  If I made it-we went into overtime and if I missed, that 24-hour car ride would be that much worse.

I lined up behind the ball, as always, took my time and placed the ball to the keepers left, hitting the back of the net for the tying goal.  We jogged back to the center circle for the other team’s kick off and with the first pass of the ball came the final whistle… talk about a close one.

Overtime.

I don’t think I mentioned that I had scored all three goals in regulation- but now would be a good time to put that in.  Overtime is never fun for anyone-unless you win of course.  Everyone is tired and the last thing you want to do in heat is play more.

This was truer for the opposing team than it was for us.  We came out on fire and they couldn’t handle it.  During the overtime I scored three goals and we ended up winning the game 6-3.

We won the tournament and my mom was so happy.

For the most part it’s pretty subconscious- but I think about it from time to time.  She really is my motivation.  She drove all that way, spent all that money and missed all those days of work so that I could do what I love.

She has invested so much into me and every time I play well, I feel like I am giving back to her… because it’s the best way to give back.  I know that me doing well makes her happiest.  She loves when people are asking who is that girl… because she can turn around and say, “that’s my daughter” and I’ve seen the smile on her face when she says that… it’s priceless.

The drive home was awesome.  I wasn’t sick anymore and we had a trophy in the back seat… but more than that we had so much to talk about from the five-game weekend and we both knew we had a Semi-Charmed kinda life… what we didn’t know was that that was just the beginning of it all.

WCSS Speech

Last night I had the privilege of speaking at the Western Canada Soccer Showcase run by girlsCAN Soccer Development.  The theme of the speech fit perfectly with what I'm trying to do with this blog, so I wanted to use this entry to share it. ________________________________________________________________

When Ciara begged me to be the keynote speaker at tonight’s event, after saying no several times due to prior commitments (not really, but I had to keep her on her toes) I finally said I’d do it.  My next thought was: what would I talk about?

I thought I could talk about working hard and putting in the extra effort; or making your dreams come true or not taking things for granted.  Then I thought well, those are things I’m sure you’ve all heard before… and I don’t want anyone falling asleep tonight.

So instead, I decided to talk about love.

Now, I know some of you might be thinking what Tina Turner was thinking in the early 80s – if you even know who Tina Turner is- but “What’s Love Got to Do With it??”

I’m not sure if Tina ever got her answer, but I’m hoping you will get yours right now.

Some people spend their whole lives looking for love. I didn’t know it until a few years later, but I was lucky enough to find it when I was five years old.

I was a shy kid until I started playing soccer.  It was the game that made me confident and outgoing and gave me swag.  The more I played the more these things became staples in my personality and with that, the love grew deeper.

I craved what soccer gave me and how it made me feel.  I wanted it all the time and when I was younger, it was all I did. .  And this made everything else in life so much easier.

When I was little, if I finished my homework I’d have more time to kick the ball around.  In high school if I didn’t go to school I wouldn’t be able to practice that day, and in college if I didn’t keep my GPA up, I wouldn’t even be on the team… so those things were always easy for me, because I had one goal in mind: to play.

I remember being in 8^th grade and spending my Friday nights in a gym – training with three different teams for three hours back to back, every week. Nothing else appealed to me.

I soon caught on to the fact that what other people considered sacrifices (not hanging out with friends, missing school dances, not going on Spring Break) weren’t sacrifices for me.  If I missed soccer for something else, that was the sacrifice.

But what all this boiled down to was the love I had for the game.  When you love something, you put your whole heart into it; you put yourself out there for a possible disappointment.  It’s risky to love with your whole heart, because WHAT if you get let down? What if say, the love isn’t reciprocated?

With soccer – that happens all the time.

I’ve put in a lot of hours, juggling, kicking against walls, running, lifting, watching soccer on TV, analyzing my own games, rehabbing injuries, you guys all know what goes into playing.  But there’s that risk we take that – maybe we don’t win, or maybe you don’t score that goal or make that save, or maybe you don’t even make the team.  Those things are going to happen, but you have to believe that there’s more to it.

When I was 14 years old, I was absolutely gutted when all my friends were making the U-14 Regional Team and some even the U-14 US Youth National Team.  For a moment I thought that if I wasn’t making the team, I wasn’t good enough and I never would be. I was never discouraged enough though, to stop playing.  Because that love was still there.

I sometimes think how different my life would have been had I stopped playing at 14 and how much I would have missed out on… I’m always thankful I kept going.

But that would become a theme in my life – I didn’t make a Regional Team until I was 16; I didn’t make a Youth National Team until I was 21, I didn’t make it into camp with the Full Women’s National Team until I was 23 and I didn’t play professionally until I was 25.  So, it took me a while to do everything.  But with each team I made, I felt that satisfaction that I got back all that I put into the game.  The love was returned.

And now, I’m 27 years old, still playing and still loving the game and all that it does for me.  I wake up every morning and I do what I love for a living.  I don’t know how many people in the world can truly say that.

The reason I wanted to talk about love was because it doesn’t have to be just soccer.  Some of you will grow to learn that you love being a teacher, or a doctor or a musician.  If you love what you do, it makes everything else in life so much more worth it.

I’ve lived in five different countries around the world, been away from my friends and family for most of my life and missed out on a lot of things, but it’s always worth it because I’m playing soccer – but I won’t always get to do what I love because physically, it just won’t be possible. And although that is scary to think about, it will also open the door for something else.

I’ve met people in my life who say they don’t take risks because they don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.  In my opinion, that’s no way to live your life.

I take a risk every single day that I walk out of my house with my backpack in my hand.  I take a risk pulling up to the gym or the arena or the field or the track.  Every time I slip my foot into a cleat and strike a ball or run a sprint, I’m taking a risk.  I’m risking putting my whole heart into something, with a possibility of receiving nothing in return.  I’m building myself up with so much hope all the time and so much belief in myself that it’s very possible that it all comes crumbling down on me one day…but that, to me, is living.

That, to me, is what love is all about.

I remember living in Brazil when I was playing for Santos FC – the same club that Pele` played for.  I had to pay my own way down there and would have my food and living arrangements taken care of.  That was all I knew.

I lived in a house with 20 other girls on the team… shared a room with two sets of bunk beds and three other girls… and $20 in my bank account. None of the girls spoke English well enough to hold a conversation and we were only able to use the Internet certain hours during the day.  I had no cell phone or car and the area wasn’t safe enough to walk around alone.

For Thanksgiving that year I had a chicken leg, rice and beans.  A far cry from what my family was enjoying at home.  I felt like I had no one and I wrote in a blog during that time a quote from The Fray – “when you are older you will understand”.  Because at the time it was hard.  I knew I loved the game and would do anything for it – but it was another situation where I thought I wasn’t getting back what I should.

Two months later, after three months of living in Brazil, I had a combine for WPS (Women’s Professional Soccer league in the States).  I did well enough at the combine to be the 17^th overall pick in the WPS Draft that year.  That’s why I went to Brazil.  That’s why I had to go through the bad – to get to the good.

And that’s why love is such a difficult emotion.  But something that makes so much more sense to me because of soccer.

If you love something enough, and you commit yourself to that love, then anything is possible.  No one ever said it would be easy; they just said it would be worth it.

You Determine the Size of the Pond

The first five days living in Vancouver have gone by pretty quickly.  In a little over a hundred hours, I have done an appearance at a youth tournament, three workouts with the physio (the American version of an athletic trainer), met the Whitecaps FC office staff, kicked off a 24-hour Soccer Marathon to save a homeless shelter and during all this I haven't made fun of a single Canadian to their face. And I'm sure there were people out there that didn't think I could do it.

No, but Canadians aren't that bad. As Americans, we're brought up to believe that they... haha just kidding. I'm sure someone was dying for an end to that sentence. Sorry to disappoint.

Regardless if Canada is the least foreign of all countries, it's still a different country, and it's still an adjustment.  So, here I am, day five, and I'm adjusting, because that's what I've been doing for most of my life.

I think this brings up a very interesting component of life as a professional soccer player.  I feel as though, more so now than ever, that professional soccer players, both men and women, aren't as committed to a single club as they used to be.  So, whatever the reason, we move around a lot.  I've accepted that as long as I'm playing, I won't necessarily have a home-base to call my own (I don't count my parent's places in Connecticut).

This means meeting a lot of people, learning new cultures and languages, adapting to new surroundings and most importantly, being out of your comfort zone.  And FINALLY, my point.

Leaving your comfort zone means saying hello to a new you.  That doesn’t mean that I am going to change who I am to fit the needs of a new setting, but it does take a while to find the real you in a new place and during that time you learn a lot about yourself that you otherwise wouldn’t have.

I see that when I meet new people I'm shy.  And some people that know me would never in a million years describe me as shy.  One of the main reasons for this is my stupendous sense of humor.  I doubt I can come in here on the first day and start making fun of Canadians and expect to make a good impression. BUT in a few weeks, mark my words, they will get who I am and that I am not to be taken seriously under any circumstances.

Anyway. Back to my point.

Some people never leave that comfort zone and honestly, that’s one just one way to live.  And that’s not to say I don’t care for it, because as it says somewhere on this blog, this is just the way I do things, but I would not be the person I am today without all the new changes  Without all the changes there wouldn’t be any new hellos – and without hellos I wouldn’t know a damn thing about myself or how to deal with any uncomfortable situations.

It's because of my travels that being stuck in an airport in Sao Paolo for two hours not knowing if anyone would be picking me up wasn't that stressful; or taking a train from Saarbrucken to Frankfurt with two huge duffle bags (no wheels), and two little bags, trying to get from the train to the airport wasn't a big deal; or taking a taxi in London not knowing they didn't accept credit card or being able to find a working ATM, did not make me sweat.  This was all just part of the awkward journey.

So now, I thrive on all that is uncomfortable. I think I've become mentally tougher and more confident as a result of my ability to adapt. And I am definitely thankful for that.

Four words to tie it up: The More You Know... (and no this was not a public service announcement from NBC, but maybe it should be one day).