A Little Tribute to FCKC

Most days I get in the car and go where I need to go without thinking much else. I need to go to the store, or the field or the gym. Then there are days when I get in the car and I just feel like driving. Not anywhere in particular. Just away. And it’s not necessarily because I’m unhappy, it’s just because sometimes I crave a change of scenery. I imagine many people feel this way once in a while. 

The urge for something different. 

One day in April, my brother and I got in the car and we drove. To Kansas. Just those words alone seem ridiculous to me, even now. We drove to Kansas from Connecticut. Me. Who said she would never, could never, live in the Midwest. 

But in this instance I had to take my chances. And I was lucky enough to have a brother who would do almost anything for me to take me there. He made it so I couldn’t turn around in Pennsylvania or Indiana. He kept me sane. 

It was a long 20 hours in the car. Most of the time I was thinking, wtf am I doing? Then there were bits of wonderment and hope that tomorrow would be better than today. That’s something I haven’t thought too much in my life, but the past three years it seems like a constant. 

The night we got to Kansas City, I met Chris Farabee first. I learned quickly that Chris has been the one that can help you get things done if you need anything. From putting a dresser together, to arranging appearances to driving you to training, he wears all the hats. He made me feel welcomed right away.

The next morning my brother and I had breakfast with Yael Averbuch. 

Yael took me under her wing. It’s weird to say that, especially because she’s younger than me and I had so much life experience and soccer experience up until that point. But she did it. She made sure I was taken care of. And I let her do that. It’s amazing what we’re capable of when we let go of standard expectations and our own ego. I was in Kansas City as a 32-year-old practice player. I had let go of everything. I’m pretty sure that started happening gradually during the 20-hour road trip. 

As each state passed and we were further from normal, I felt a sense of giving in to life, letting go of control. I tried to control so much for so long. I tried to be so strict with myself. I had expectations that made me OCD and in turn, disappointed quite often. I wasn’t being fair to myself. 

There’s a song that my mom used to play for me when I was a child unable to form words. Maybe some of my more musically experienced (see what I did there?) readers know this one: Life In A Northern Town by Dream Academy. I listen to that song when I miss my mom sometimes and it calms me. And one line in it I’ve heard 100 times but only recently has it hit hard. 

“Take it easy on yourself.” 

Man, I’ve been so hard on myself. 
I’m not saying I shouldn’t be sometimes. Sometimes I need to push myself to get to where I want to be. But maybe I’m happier when I cut myself some slack sometimes too. Maybe I’m actually much better the less I have to try.

I had a conversation with Yael about coming to Kansas City. I talked to Vlatko Andonovksi and Huw Williams on the phone about the logistics. There was a chance I could get a contract, but it wouldn’t be easy and that’s not what I was thinking about. That wouldn’t make or break my time there. And I couldn’t believe I thought those thoughts, but I had to think those thoughts or else I would be right back to where I was with my expectations and being hard on myself. 

So my gut said to go to Kansas City. I don’t know all the reasons why. I’m sure I’ll never know why. 

Once I started training more and getting to know the people there I was able to start putting the pieces together. (I’m trying hard to put all this into words and it’s not easy.) I stopped chasing an ideal life. I stopped chasing contracts and game minutes and approval from people. I stopped trying to please everyone all the time. I just stopped. 

I felt free. Which I wrote about a little more light-hearted in my previous blog. 

When I feel free, apparently, I’m much more myself. And here’s the coolest part. When I’m more myself, which involves having a split personality or maybe duality of some sort that makes my life more balanced. I have tended in the past years to go more toward one side which makes me serious, work too much and overly routined. 

I was trying so hard that it was using all my energy all the time. 

You know what doesn’t use up all my energy? Being myself. Being my own natural self. It’s easy. I never realized how easy it was, to be myself and to have all the extra energy as a result. 

This seems like such a cliché statement, but it’s not. It’s not because rarely do people take the time to get to know themselves enough to be them self. I’m an over-thinker. I got to this point almost by accident. But I’m here. 

I wasn’t able to do this by myself though. Sometimes all the good things are inside of us. Like a pomegranate. It’s a process to get them all out. 

The people in Kansas City, without trying or knowing it, got all my good things out of me. 

It started with Vlatko. Without getting too far into it, Vlatko has created an environment where less is more. Less instruction. Less stress. Fewer rules. It’s a player’s environment. It allows for your own thought process to take over instead of a coach’s. This is rare. I felt free to play and to improve. I did that on the field. It wasn’t just Vlatko though. His staff is what makes his vision work. Matt Briggs, Milan Ivanovic, Shawn Dumers, the guys at Athlete Fit, Scott Moody and Shon Jones. They all buy into this. Add that to the idea that everyone is treated the same and it’s a recipe for success. Maybe not success in the way most people view it, but in the way Vlatko does. He told me he values the relationships he has with people and their lives more than the soccer part of it. That’s rare. 

On the first day I walked into the training room to meet Shawn and tell him about my past injuries he had his sick baby boy in there with him. Nicole Barnhart was holding him and taking care of him as if it were her own and Shawn was focused on me. Everything I had to say. He was completely focused. He told me that it didn’t matter if I was a practice player or a starter on the national team, everyone would get the same treatment. He really didn’t have to say that, because I felt it right then and there. I also felt that every single day after that. With everyone listed above.

The staff took care of me. I never once felt like a practice player. They made it possible for me to get better every day. On the field. In the treatment room. In the gym. I felt like I could fall into a net held up by all these guys whenever things got hard. It never got to that point. 

So now for the stuff that makes me a little more emotional. 

Yael is one of the best people you will ever meet in your life. One night after two beers I started to write a tribute about her. Maybe that was a little creepy so I never finished it. I hardly knew her before I went to Kansas City. By the time I left I felt like I had known her my whole life and was forever indebted to her. She made it so easy to come into the team. She is the definition of a true friend. 

I lived with Yael for the first two months. Her roommates, Molly Menchel and Heather O’Reilly jumped on the train with Yael and made sure I was 150 percent comfortable and happy every day. I have never felt so comfortable being uncomfortable before. They made me realize that we can always be better to each other. We can actually save people if we think about them more than ourselves. For the record, Yael is able to do everything on her to-do list each day and then yours, and mine and whatever else needs to be done. She can do all this and sit down and have a cup of tea and relax. She’s something else. 

I started making friends quickly within the group. Alex Arlitt and Brianne Reed came into my life like a hurricane hurling houses and cars. Man, I needed them. They made it more than okay to be absolutely ridiculous. They are so weird. I am so weird. And so stupid. To the point where I never thought I could say half the things I wanted to until I met them. Apparently they felt similarly. It reinforced the idea that I am funny and can be funny and truly enjoy being funny more often than not. Life doesn’t have to be so serious. 

I started to talk to Amanda Frisbie more and more. She’s a goofball but has a heart of gold and steel. We shared our love for music together, specifically Fleetwood Mac and I was reminded quickly that music makes me so happy. I knew music made me happy, but I didn’t act on it. She got in on the stupidity of the rest of us quickly. She was a perfect fit. 

The end of June approached and by this point I had an offer from Kvarnsvedens IK in Sweden to play the second half of the season. I didn’t know what to do at this point. I was making strong friendships. I was getting better on and off the field. I was in a place where it would be hard to leave, but man I was dying to play in games.

I signed with Kvarnsvedens. (Thanks to the help of Adelaide Gay, who believes in me more than I believe in myself sometimes) It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. The plan was to leave Kansas City at the end of June, go home for a few weeks in July and then head to Sweden. 

That was the plan. A plan I wasn’t crazy about, but that was probably best for me. How do we even know what’s best for us? Really? I think we just know sometimes. Sometimes we think we know. 

By this time, I moved in to an apartment with my new roommate Mandy Laddish. Mandy and I hadn’t spoken more than five words the first two months I was there. She worked a lot and wasn’t living at the apartments. She has a real job to pay for her student loans. She also coaches. She’s impressive. 

We became best friends quickly. 

Photo Credit: Les Young

Mandy is a really good painter. Really good. She is modest about it. She reminded me how important it is to have things that we’re passionate about and not to ignore them. I should write when the mood hits me, when I feel free to write, like right now on our 8-hour bus ride. It’s just flowing out of me like (man the only analogy that’s coming to mind with the word flow is just not really the best one) … It’s the same idea of forcing something to happen, trying too hard. It’s never as good. Our friendship was very natural and easy. It has made me realize that most things can be this way if we’re open to them. If we have to try so hard for something, is it really something we want? 

I’m not sure anymore. I used to think so. But now I think that something pops in my mind because that’s where my mind wants to be. If I want to watch Meet Joe Black four times in a month, then that’s what I want to do, who cares if it’s a 3-hour movie and there are so many other movies I should see? 

So then plans changed. A few players were injured and I stayed on as an amateur call-up for July. I'm so glad I did. I had a taste of traveling, dressing, getting in games again and having more time with these wonderful people I had grown to love. It was all the right thing to do. Every step of it. 

This is by far the longest blog I’ve ever written in my life. I have tried to write this at least ten times now. I have plenty of beginnings saved on my computer. None of them felt natural, so I stopped and waited for a better time. That time finally arrived. 

I’m currently playing in Sweden for Kvarnsvedens IK. Leaving Kansas City was actually very difficult, but definitely the right decision. I knew this when I left and I was confirmed of that when I played in my first game on Tuesday. It had been more than three years since my name was announced in the starting lineup of a team. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, and I didn’t think it was a big deal, but on Tuesday when they said my name, something in me sparked. 

I had been put back together in Kansas City. I won’t ever lose that again. And if I do, I know how to find it. Being in Sweden, I have the last piece to the puzzle. The one that you always put in so slowly and carefully because you know that once it’s down you can see the whole picture, just as it’s supposed to be. The one that, without, leaves something to be desired. 

I’m whole. Or at least I feel that way right now. I can play again. My knee feels good. The coaches and players here believe in me. They made it extremely easy to come into their season half way. That could be partly how I am now, but also a testament to the people here.

That’s just all you can ask for as an athlete. 

The road probably won’t be easy going forward. In anything I do. 

I just know that I’ll do my best. I’ll be me. And I’ll always take it easy on myself.

It's Okay To Go Back

Almost three years ago to this day, I decided to go to the stadium earlier than usual for our game. I was in Portland and the stadium was then called Jeld Wen. 

I put all my stuff down in the empty locker room, grabbed a pen and my journal out of my backpack and walked out into a desolate stadium. It was so quiet and so peaceful. I sat on our bench and started to write everything I was feeling about being out there. I poured my heart out for a good 30 minutes.  

I have so many memories playing at Jeld Wen (now Providence Park), yet this one sticks out above all the others. It was as if I had my own special time with the stadium that brought me closer to it than before.   

We have these moments in life. Where something draws us in so close that we feel we have a special bond with it. I wasn’t the first person to sit in that stadium alone, nor was I the last. But I don’t think about those other people and the possibility of those shared moments. I think about the special bond I have with the stadium and how it’s different from what other people have. 

I think we have this with places, with things, with people. Places have a way of feeling like they’re ours. Like the soccer field I grew up playing on, or the beach near my house. I feel drawn to those places and extremely nostalgic going there. I want to go there to not only satisfy the pull, but to also replay in my mind the memories that keep bringing me back there.

People have a way of making us feel a certain way that we crave. The idea that we can be pulled toward a person or group of people because they made us like ourselves better. Because they made us happy. 

Think about movies, songs, books, smells or sounds. Things that put us in an almost hypnotic trance because of the way it makes us feel or the memories they remind us of. Nostalgia is a helluva drug.  

Last night I dressed for the first time for FC Kansas City. We played the Thorns in Portland at Providence Park. I was drawn to the stadium as soon as it was in sight. It all felt familiar and reminded me of a good time in my life. 

As the game went on and I continued warming up for a potential opportunity to step on that field for the first time in three years I realized something. I was being pulled by two things at once. The feeling of being in the stadium and then the feeling of closeness, of comfort of love from my teammates. I haven’t known them very long but what they have done for me in the past three months is something I’ll never forget as long as I live. They met me at one of the most vulnerable times in my life. They’ve taught me that a few small obstacles in life do more than set us back, they set us up. Set us up for what’s next in life or for the next version of our self to surface. 

Stepping on the field for stoppage time in the 2-1 win over the Thorns was an emotional experience for me. It doesn’t seem like much from the outside. But inside I felt like a new person stepping on the field. I have never appreciated stepping on the field more. How do I know? Never in my life have I hoped to get hit by a ball in the wall, but Saturday night I wanted to. Just to contribute in some way to a group of people who have basically brought the best back out of me, on and off the field. 

When all is said and done, we don’t get to experience the same exact thing twice in a lifetime. We get it once, and if it’s special enough it will keep pulling us back to it. It’s our job to appreciate the moments of the pull and allow ourselves to feel whatever it is it makes us feel. 

After all, the things that we’re drawn to have made us who we are and even more than that, have shown that it feels so freaking good to be alive.

What A Fool Believes*

I haven’t posted an update on my life in a long time. Therefore, I presume many of you have made assumptions about my life. And you know what happens when you assume… You make a story in your head. Some of those stories might include:

1.    Joining the circus as a traveling headband spinner (the plate guys got the boot) 
2.    Being the 8th Wonder of the World  
3.    Starting a cat farm with my mom
Or…

Training with FC Kansas City during the day, while partaking in intense improv sessions at night and all the while realizing that in life, you can have more than one calling. 

Yeah. You heard that right. I’m being called upon, sucka. 

So here’s the thing. I was waived from the Washington Spirit two weeks after my host family’s house burned down. Heard that right. 

Photo Credit: Sam Weber 

I went home for a few weeks and figured out some things in my life. The first thing I figured out was that I need to play soccer forever. I wanted to go to the best environment no matter what that meant for me logistically. The decision was easy: FCKC. 

Well and the fact that Yael Averbuch begged me to come here. Apparently she needed more friends. But that’s a story for another day. 

The welcome I received from the FCKC staff and players was exactly what I needed. I have never been one to say stuff like “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” or “things happen for a reason,” so I won’t say it now. Alright? 

If March could be described as a bit traumatic then April and May could be described as a rebirth. Not in the serious way that it sounds, but in the fun way that my brain has found a totally new way of working and my laughter cords (similar to the vocal ones) are getting the most exercise they’ve gotten since I lived with Carmelina Moscato and she used to prank call our teammates at Penn State. If anyone ever wants to hear those skits, I’m sure Carm would gladly replay them.

Regardless, the rebirth has happened. I recently stepped away from Our Game Magazine. The club I had worked with for the past five years is folding and for the first time in many years I feel … free? Free to say yes to more. Free to create. Free to do nothing. Free to be ridiculous again. Because I am ridiculous. My brain is ridiculous. 

So that brings me to our night time hobbies here in Kansas City. Throughout my life I get these strong urges to do things. I can’t ignore them. Sometimes it’s to drive straight home after a 7pm game in DC. Sometimes it’s buy a pair of shoes. Sometimes it’s simple like getting the Play Station out from under my bed, hooking it all up and playing Guitar Hero after not playing for four years. 

Okay so this one, this is a big one. This is like the urge to play soccer for the rest of my life, which I will do. I have learned two things very well. I feel most alive when I’m playing soccer and also when I’m making people laugh. The first one was always very obvious. The second one took a little more digging. But these two things are sacred to me. They’re not the reasons I get up in the morning, but they are the reasons I jump up in the morning.

Whether anyone thinks I’m funny or not is irrelevant. I read an article today that said this:

“By plopping yourself into a steaming heap of wannabe comedians, you will forever know that you tried. What a relief to rid yourself of the “what ifs.” Man, I know people who won’t even eat an ice cream cone when they want one, so good on you for having the courage and drive to actually pick up, move or enroll in a class just because you wanted to. You are not delusional for seeing something you thought would make you happy and walking towards it. Anyone who tells you otherwise, including you, is a mondo fun-plug.
You know who is delusional? People who didn’t try. Haven’t we all had that experience where we tell someone that we do comedy, and they’re like, “Oh, yeah, I did an acting class in college. I was actually pretty good. I might have been a professional…if I hadn’t decided to sell urinary deficiency pills instead.” (Real-life conversation I had last week with a bro at the gym.)
You know why those people never went for it? Because by not going for it, they get to keep the daydream possibility that if they had tried–they *would have* succeeded. That’s arrogance. But you put yourself in the trenches of rejection. You explore your boundaries. You survive parties that devolve into 95 BPM* conversations. That’s the opposite of delusional. That’s the real deal.”

So I know that was long. Thank you if you read it all. If you didn’t, here’s the gist. I don’t want to regret anything. I want to do things I really enjoy. And I really enjoy comedy. 

Some of my idols are Tina Fey, Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball, Kristen Wiig and Cecily Strong. I wish I could be on SNL. I wouldn’t mind having my own show. Sometimes I just want training to stop so everyone could hear my jokes. 

At night, the ladies of FCKC have been putting on improv sessions. What’s improv you ask? It’s acting, without much of a plan. We come up with scenes, find characters that work for people and act out really funny situations. And folks, we’re pretty decent at it. Yael, Heather O’Reilly, Shea Groom, Alex Arlitt and Bri Reed are some of the major players in the show. I’m the star. HAO has one of the best characters. Shea is really dramatic in her roles. We think we can take the show on the road to be perfectly honest. Maybe we’ll even film some. 

Anyway, I don’t know where I’m going in life. I know that I just had to make some really important decisions that changed the trajectory of it. So, no, I’m not done playing. Please stop asking me. When I’m done playing you will all know because I will have a grand exit. My life has changed a lot in the past year. For the best. I feel like for the first time in a long time I’m on the path to the best version of myself. The version that, despite all its flaws, does whatever the eff it wants and drinks coffee after 5pm. The one that knows defeat makes it better. 

One of the best messages I have received in the past two months came from a kid I have coached. She’s 18 years old. She wrote: “I’ve seen the Dark Knight trilogy enough times to know that Batman gets back up every time he gets punched in the face or thrown off a building.” 

I don’t plan on just getting up. I plan on being the superhero everyone deserves and the one I’ve always wanted to be.

*What A Fool Believes is a song by The Doobie Brothers. I recommend listening. 

Letter From Editor, OGM

Dear Women's Soccer Fans, 

It was a difficult decision, but after six years and 38 issues, this will be my last issue as Editor-in-Chief of Our Game Magazine. 

There are many reasons for leaving, focusing on other things, getting back to playing, trying some new things and maybe just not trying to have three jobs at the same time for once are a few that come to mind. 

Our Game started in 2010 with the purpose of helping to grow women’s soccer and improving women’s soccer media. I think we can say we have done both of those things in the past five years successfully. Media for women’s soccer, and not just the big outlets, report on the game in a more professional way, using proper soccer terms and lingo while finding awesome stories about players who aren’t always in the spotlight. 

The game has grown. We have all grown with it. 

OGM grew in many ways over the years. We learned a lot. I learned a lot. I had never been in charge of anything before. I didn’t know how to be an editor or editor in chief or part owner of an LLC. (I still don’t!) But I am much more knowledgeable about the process now than when I started, and that’s all we can do in life is get better and learn. 

Thank you to Khaled El-Ahmad who pointed me in the direction to start the magazine. He had the idea that there was something missing in women’s soccer and he is to credit for OGM ever starting and giving me the push I needed to get it going. Then we brought on Ryan Wood who actually knew a ton about journalism and editing and taught me everything in the first couple of years. Thank you Ryan.

Then others came on and made the magazine what it is today. Ruth Moore is the reason the magazine has any pictures or design. Because I don’t know anything about design, so I’ve heard. Brandi Ortega saved the magazine in ways that every magazine should be saved. She is the reason it is as good as it is now, hands down. And JJ Duke started with us covering the USL W-League and ended up being one of the most consistent writers and editors we’ve ever had. 

We’ve had our setbacks. Our 4v4 team at the NSCAA Convention, even with Beast Mode Soccer Dave, couldn’t win. We weren’t always perfect. We made mistakes. We could have done things better. But I am most proud of the fact that we never started an issue we didn’t finish. Every issue we said we were going to do we did. 

That has a lot to do with the staff, but much more to do with the dependable, high-quality writers we had over the years. Current and former pro players, college players, youth players, coaches, journalists, you name it, they have written for us. And they were fantastic. It was rare that someone didn’t do the work they said they would do. That tells me everything I need to know about a person. 

At the end of the day, it was a decision I needed to make at an important time in my life. But this magazine is much bigger than me. It’s much bigger than any current players or coaches.  All this magazine needs is the game and people who love the game and understand it. People who want to see it grow for the players who are just starting their young soccer careers and for the fans that deserve the best coverage. 

Moving forward, the magazine will continue under the direction of Brandi Ortega who will keep pushing the magazine in the right direction with the same philosophies we’ve had from the beginning. 

Thank you to all the readers and subscribers and everyone who has supported the magazine over the years. I can’t thank you enough for what you have helped us create and maintain over the years. 

Sincerely,

Tiffany Weimer

A Thank You To All

Now that I’ve had time to decompress, I have realized just how many emotions we have been experiencing. 

I have so many people to thank, but truthfully that smoke alarm was the real hero. If the smoke alarm didn’t go off, we could be dealing with a very different circumstance right now. And for that reason I will be looking at fire safety in a completely different way than I used to. I know it shouldn’t take something like this to change, but it has and this is where I am. 

I have a new appreciation for firefighters. One in particular went back into the house the night of the fire to recover a few valuable things for us. I didn’t expect that nor did I understand why he did it, but it saved a few things that we needed right away and also gave us hope that some things could be recovered. He even dug out a few of my journals that night. 

I realize that things are just things. When I saw the smoke and heard the fire alarm all I thought to do was get out and get the dogs out. There was not a single thought in my mind about any “things” that were being left behind. When you think about situations like that, you always make a plan in your head of how you would handle it. “First I’ll get my journals, then my computer and then I’ll just walk right down the stairs to the front door, easy.” It’s not quite that simple. 

I just wanted to stay alive and make sure everyone else was alive. 

As a result of everyone having that same mindset, we all got out safe. 

That night people came to help right away. Thank you Gabby and Genny Go who brought me a pair of sneakers (I was wearing my cleats which I was breaking in when the fire occurred) as well as tooth brushes and tooth paste for us all. 

Once everything was over, and it set in what actually happened, it was time to start again. The Eckerstroms are an incredible family. They have been calm and composed throughout the past week or so and have done so much to make sure we are taken care of. If the people who lost their home and many of their life-long belongings aren’t freaking out, we shouldn’t be freaking out either. So they have kept us in check throughout. 

The Spirit staff, Bill Lynch, the SoccerPlex staff, all came to our aid right away. They helped us get clothes and food and toiletries right away so we could start preseason with the team on day 1. 

But then I had a conversation with a good friend of mine, Anthony DiCicco. He suggested a GoFundMe page for the three of us. I didn’t know much about GoFundMe and didn’t know if it was something we should do. Anthony, being the person he is, wanted to help and did so the best way he knew how, by acting. What he started was the most inspiring things I’ve been apart of. 

We had no idea what to expect in the beginning. We really didn’t think much of it at all. Then people started reaching out to us. 

The soccer community, our friends and families, all of the people in our lives, came to our rescue. I never in a million years expected all of this. I am extremely humbled, grateful and most of all thankful for every single person who has helped us. 

One of the best things I’ve seen during this whole situation actually brought me to tears several times. Players in the NWSL who have contributed to the GoFundMe or who have reached out to ask if we need anything. We all know each other’s salaries. We know we are all in preseason and yet, those players took time out of their lives to make sure we were okay. That was truly touching. 

As most know, we started preseason this week, which is our job, source of income, but more importantly, one of the major sources of joy in my life. I feel like we’ve done a good job to try to put this aside while we’re on the field, and that is only possible in large part to everyone I’m writing to right now. Every single person. When anyone says “it’s not much” or “I wish there was something I could do” all I think to myself is that you have done more than you will ever know. You have helped us so much. 

We will be getting in touch with as many people as possible in the coming weeks. We will be sure no one goes unnoticed for their help. In the meantime, we are working to get back to normal and back to focusing on playing. 

Again, thank you so much, everyone. Thanks for reminding us that people are inherently good and about the power of giving. Thank you for being such good people and for the realization that we can be better people too. It is the most priceless gift of them all. 

Kurt, Pam, Britt, Dana, Emma, Molly, Foster and Tori — thanks for taking care of me. I couldn’t have done it without you guys.

The journals have been dried out and they are all legible! These are the most important items I own. So thankful they were saved. 

---

From Tori: 

There are only so many words available that can express how I have felt since 9pm on March 10th. As cliche as it is, words will never be enough to describe my feelings, and most people who know me, know that words have never been my strong suit. Despite that and the fact that this small blurb won’t come near conveying the gratitude I have felt and will continue to feel, I am writing to share my promise that I have countless times said over and over in my head since this situation began. In one way or another, my promise/plan is to pay this forward.

Throughout all of this, the actions of people, whether a text, a call, $5.00, $1,000, a hug, a package, the set-up of a GoFundMe by Anthony (who does not even know me), have all brought about this promise that I will earnestly try to keep. The amount of people who have reached out is absolutely unbelieveable. The only way I know how to repay them is to act myself. There are a lot of people’s actions that if they hadn’t done them, Tiff, the Eckerstroms and I (and the pups) may be in a different place today. Because of them and all of you, I don’t feel alone in any of this, I feel supported and blessed. Thank you for everything and for giving me the opportunity to grow and truly offer a hand to the next person.

Sincerely,

Tori Huster 

My Philosophies on Individual Training

In 2006, after I graduated from Penn State, I started working individually with players who wanted to get extra training outside of their team training.

As a player/coach, I am asked quite often to work with players on improving all areas of their game (except defending, I don’t usually get that one for some reason... and goalkeeping) including technique, finishing, mental toughness, taking players on 1v1 and my personal favorite, kicking the ball further and harder like the other kids do.

Since then I have worked individually with more than 30 players one-on-one or in small groups in the US and overseas, teenagers, U10 players, boys and girls, you name it.

I’ve learned so much in doing that, not just as a coach, but also as a person and educator in general.

So, I have come up with a list of ten things that I have found to be extremely important when working with players in a more private setting.

In no particular order here they are:

1. If approached by someone to work with a player one of the first things I assess is whether the person approaching wants the individual training or the player does. I think this is very important to how much of an impact you’ll have on a player. I know it’s not always an easy thing to see, but be aware of the parents who want it more than their kid does.

2. Once you’ve settled on working with a player, be sure to watch them in an actual game setting. It’s easy for a player or a parent to tell you what they need to work in (kicking the ball harder!) but it’s usually a much different story when you sit down and analyze one of their games. This has been extremely helpful in the past for me to plan sessions.

3. I have grown fond of something I call the juggle test. If I’m working with a new player who I know little about, I’ll give them the juggle test. I will have them juggle in front of me until they get what they think is their highest score. Then I tell them that we’ll have our next session once they’ve beaten that record. I have only ever had one player, a high school player, who I never heard from again.

4. I am always sure now to know what players’ schedules are like. There have been times when I have trained players on the same day that they had a game or even two games. I was young and inexperienced then, but now that is something I’ll never do. I am very cautious and aware of their workloads and rarely will put them through any type rigorous training without knowing what their life looks like. So many kids are working with personal trainers in the gym, training with their team twice a week, playing basketball or hockey or gymnastics and think they are not over-trained. We don’t need to add to the problem is how I look at it. 

5. When it comes to actual sessions, I find it much more beneficial to have at least two players in a session. So if I must, I jump in and do drills with the player. This allows me to get an idea of what I’m putting them through and also shows them the intensity level and focus level I would like them to shoot for. Sometimes I also invite older players to jump in the session to do the same thing. It’s good for the older players to help the younger players and also gives the older players some touches on the ball. I also like to have goalkeepers when doing finishing sessions. When working on technique, it’s not always necessary but if I’m showing them how to make a GK’s life miserable, I need a GK!

6. The struggle to find a place to train players is always real. But I have found that if there is a free field, many times you’re not the only people using it. I can’t even count how many times I’ve had kids with me and we’ve asked other players kicking the ball around to play a little 2v2 or 3v3. It is something most kids never do, but something they always walk away from with a bunch of stories. Usually about how I nutmegged a 15-year-old boy in their class. But more importantly, about how they are able to play with players older than them or if they are girls, play with the boys. It’s a really cool opportunity to give the players.

7. I have learned a lot about different kinds of training methods when it comes to working on technique. There are plenty of arguments about making drills game-like and whether players should do reps for the sake of doing reps is okay. I think there is a good mix of both that should be incorporated.  Sometimes players just need to learn how to strike a ball properly. Sometimes they need to know how to turn under pressure. It all depends on the player. Regardless, I include both types of technical training in my sessions. I like different color cones and pinnies and seeing how players react to situations where they have to make decisions. I also love seeing them learn how to strike a ball with some spin and dip for the first time. It’s glorious.

8. Give them assignments to watch games on TV. When you live in Connecticut and it snows throughout the winter, it’s not always possible to get out and get sessions. I like to give players assignments where they have to watch games as a student. Sometimes I just want to hear what they think about a game or sometimes I’ll ask them to watch a specific player. Sometimes I give them a tactical assignment. The learning doesn’t end when the session is over in my opinion. I also have players do goal-setting, write about their own games and training sessions and other top-secret assignments to enhance their lives. 

9. I’m always sure players understand the role of one-on-one sessions. It is supposed to be extra training. If players tell me they miss their team sessions a lot or that they don’t do extra stuff on their own time, I have a hard time continuing with them. It’s not because I don’t want to do it, but it’s because they don’t want to do it and they don’t even know it. There is nothing at all that can convince me to work with a player who doesn’t want to get better. Individual sessions are a privilege not a right and something that is definitely not for everyone.  So I’m always sure that players are committed to their teams and to getting better before I can commit to them.

10. I always make sure the sessions are short and sweet and as much as possible, leave players wanting to stay longer to figure something out. It’s not always the case. Sometimes a session can be mentally draining and after an hour or so it’s just time to go. Sometimes though, many times, a player is on the cusp of figuring something out and will want to stay. That’s the sign right there that you did something right. (Or I guess it could be a sign you’re not a good teacher! Either way!) My hope is that they take it home with them and don’t stop thinking about it until they can do it.

That’s my top ten list.

The reason I started thinking about this recently is actually a funny story. One of the players I recently coached played her freshman season at the University of New Hampshire this past fall. She texted me one day and said she wasn’t playing as much as she would have liked but found solace in the fact that the player who was playing in ahead of her had been trained by me when she was younger.

The player who was playing ahead of her emailed me a few months later asking if I could work with her again because she wanted to play professionally. So, I asked her to join our training group. She told me she remembered our sessions and how I taught her to bend a ball when she was in high school. I thought this was really cool and crazy. She just recently signed for a team in the first division in Finland. So she is the first player who I’ve worked with who has gone on to play professionally. I'm proud. (And old)

I think working with kids one-on-one is an amazing experience. I never had the opportunity as a player to work with someone until after college and it changed the way I lived my life, never mind just the way I played soccer. I hope coaches who have the opportunity to work with players look at it the same way. You never know how much you can impact someone’s life just by giving them a little extra. 

Play With Your Strongest Team: A player/coach's perspective

Earlier this week we had one of our classroom sessions with the GCF Academy U16, U17 and U18 players. Usually our classroom sessions are geared towards the college process, goal-setting or setting standards for the season. 

This classroom session was a little different. 

We had separate meetings with each of the teams to educate them on the Football Periodization process. As a club, we are using Raymond Verheijen’s “The Original Guide to Football Periodisation Always play with your strongest team Part 1”.

There are two main reasons we wanted to explain this process to the players. One was so they understood what we were doing in team training sessions and another was for them to understand how to train on their days away from team training. From my experience, many players do not know how to train on their own, at any level. 

As a professional player, I am included in that group of players currently training on their own. Periodization is something I’ve been learning a lot about for my own training thanks to some who know more about it than I do (Matt Danaher: Pro player and Eleri Earnshaw: Assistant Women’s Coach at Yale).  

It’s very possible that I tore my ACL last year as a result of over-training. Obviously I’ll never know, but anytime there is a non-contact injury, the question as to whether overtraining was a factor has to be asked. 

With that said, it is evident that young players are experiencing more serious injuries now than ever before. I have a player on my team who had three knee surgeries before I met her as a 16-year-old. And this isn’t uncommon anymore. 

So, what is it? 
For those that might not be familiar with it, Verheijen’s Football Periodization stresses the importance of a slow build up of fitness in order to maintain that fitness longer. The better a player’s fitness is, the better and longer they can execute something he calls “soccer actions” in a game. 

Basically, he believes that any “get fit in two weeks program” or run players into the ground type of preseason is a short-term solution that likely won’t be as effective toward the end of the season.

There are different models of periodization out there, but all of them have the same idea of a slow build-up with the goal being to peak at the right time and reduce overtraining. 

Benefits
After the College Cup I learned that Duke Women’s Soccer used a form of periodization called Fit For 90, which was founded by John Cone. Duke went from 8-9-1 last season to 14-6-5 and an appearance in the championship game. (Always hard to beat Penn State, of course.) But that is an impressive turn-around.  Maybe they overachieved as a result of being fresher? 

When I played for the Portland Thorns in 2013, we also used Fit For 90 and ended up winning the NWSL Championship.  Maybe we were fresher than the other teams for the last few weeks of the season. 

I say maybe because using periodization is only one variable in the formula for success as a player or team. Clearly there is much more that goes into it. 

GCF Academy
At the end of the day, we want our players to understand that there has to be a balance when training. Some sessions are hard. Some sessions are light. Some weeks are hard. Some weeks are light. They can improve fitness by playing. They should avoid treadmills. And they should avoid getting tons and tons of reps for the sake of getting reps. 

We want our players to be students of the physical parts of the game as much as the tactical and technical. If they can understand the different loads they put on their body, they might avoid some overuse injuries and maybe some more serious ones. 

Aside from preventing injuries, I love the idea of having long-term and short-term plans for players. Some of them are going to play in college come the first week in August. There are many training sessions to be had from now until then. If there is no plan, many players can be over trained or under trained when that day arrives. 

By continuing to educate our players on the training process, we are making it so our players have the best possible opportunity to go in fit and sharp. 

Now they can look at their week and see what days they should do conditioning, what days should be off, what days they can do technical training or get a lift in and also listen to their body to say that sometimes their plan isn’t always what’s best. 

Next Session
For our next training session, players have been asked to create an individual training session based on the football periodization conditions. They’ll probably have to present it to the rest of the team too. (That will be a surprise, unless they read my blog, then they’ll have a heads up!)

If we are to actually create students of the game, it could be beneficial for them to know the ‘why’ for things we do. As a female player myself, I like knowing why we do certain things in training. 

As Gary Curneen says in his blog about successfully coaching today’s player , “The player you are working with today may question your exercises or decisions and may not mean any disrespect.  They will question your methods and look to see why they should be doing anything. This is a huge threat to insecure coaches who will chose not to work with talented players because they misdiagnose them as having ‘bad attitudes’.” 

Ps. Maybe I’ll post the best training sessions from the kids on my next blog. We shall see how good they are. 

Why You Need Good Teammates

Over the weekend, I watched the U11/U12 kids I help coach in a tournament. I saw so many things that made the weekend successful that many parents, coaches and kids might not have recognized. I wasn’t directly involved in the situation so I had the opportunity to observe.  

All the parents and kids had a BBQ once the tournament was over. It was awesome to see everyone come together when I’m sure it would have been easy to jet out and miss the New York traffic. 

One by one, the kids started to leave with their parents. Everyone said bye and that they would see each other Tuesday. 

We have one player in our program who is a little different. She made sure that as players were leaving she not only said bye to them, but also told them they did a great job over the weekend. That struck me like a ball to the face. Here’s an 11-year-old who isn’t thinking about her self, who wants to make sure her teammates know they had a good weekend and in the process has no inkling that she’s making people around her re-think how they’re operating. 

This seems like such a small task, yet it has consumed me since it happened on Sunday. 

I thought about how I felt watching her, how no one really thought much of it. I thought about signing autographs for 11-year-olds at clinics who don’t look at me or even say thank you. I thought about how I feel when I leave practice without anyone telling me I did a good job. I thought about the times I wanted to say good job to someone and didn’t because… I just don’t have a good reason for it. There is no good reason for it. 

The beauty of sport and the beauty of life is that there aren’t awards for some of the things people do and they do them anyway. Those are my favorite kind of people. That’s why this player stuck out to me so much. No one was getting a trophy that day for saying good job to someone else. No one was getting their name in the paper. In fact, I’m not even sure if all the kids heard her say good job as they walked away. 

When I reflect on the season the Spirit had, I think about all the little things I did well and the little things I could have done better. If I don’t do this, then what’s the point of starting a new season? I don’t think there is any. I feel as though I have to be different each year, even if different just means better. 

I also think about my teammates and the awards that don’t exist for all the great things they do. There’s no award for Tori Huster driving her foreign teammates around the DMV area. There’s no award for Kelsey Wys cleaning up the training field after each session. There’s no award for Jen Skogerboe coming to every training session and appearance while not on contract with the Spirit. There’s no award for Caprice Dydasco asking if I need someone to do extra training with after a session. Let me be clear, this is a small list. I can't possibly include everything. But these are things that will stick with me long after I forget which games we won or lost – these are the things that make team sports special. 

Thanks to an 11-year-old, and my teammates, I think I can be much better next season. I’ll keep a closer eye on my teammates to be 100 percent sure they know how great they are. Because at the end of the day, if everyone is okay and everyone does a little extra, that will translate to success on the field. And that's what we're all after here. Playing good soccer with good people. 

To emphasize my point, please watch this video with Anson Dorrance. He talks about how important all this stuff is in the grand scheme of sports and life. And he knows a thing or two about both.

Hit Reset

When I was younger, I played a ton of video games. I have no idea how I had the time to play video games so much and play soccer and go to school and like eat and sleep, but I did it. 

From the time my parents bought us our very first Nintendo, my siblings and I were hooked on Super Mario, Duck Hunt, that boxing game with Mike Tyson, all of them. 

So many times while we were playing though, the game would freeze and we would have to do something we didn’t really want to do but knew we had to do, hit the reset button. 

Hitting reset usually meant that everything you had just worked for was lost, in a sense, and you started the game over again. In another sense, nothing was really lost at all. 

Everything you worked for up until that point hadn’t been forgotten. You knew how to get back to that point in the game again. It just meant that it would take you longer to beat it than expected. 

In life, like in video games, the knowledge you build is still yours even if the attempt was “a failure”. By failure I mean, you didn’t finish the task in your first attempt. 

Things happen that are outside our control, like the video game freezing, that give us the opportunity to start over again. See what I did there? Give us the opportunity… to start over… again. 

We learned a lot on the first attempt. In fact, we learned so much that we can likely get up to the point of “failure” again pretty easily. Or at least without as much difficulty as the first time. 

So here I am. Six days away from my one-year anniversary of ACL surgery and I have something to say:

I’m not where I thought I would be a year ago. I thought I would be further along. There are lots of reasons for this. The most important reason is that every person is different. Every injury is different. Every timeline is different. And I’m no exception to that. So, I still have some work to do. I have some things that need to change. Like the way I train, and my expectations. Those two things changing will make a huge difference.  

Luckily, I’m surrounded by enough great people that this is all possible. At this point, I think it would be easy for people to give up on me, but no one has. And if they have, they haven’t shown me or told me yet.  For that, I’m forever grateful. If it hasn’t been clear in everything I’ve ever done or said here, playing soccer is the most joyous thing I’ve ever experienced. It was when I was five years old; it still is at 31. 

When you find the most joyous thing you’ve ever experienced, no matter how many times you have to reset, you’ll do anything to keep doing it. 

Unlike video games, this reset doesn’t help me get to an end point. This reset helps me to get to more resets. If I stop resetting, I have stopped trying to get better. And if I have stopped trying to get better, then please punch me in the face. 

Thanks.

Editor’s Note: 
My reset didn’t happen on a Monday. Or the first of the month. Or the first of the year. I didn't even wait until the end of the season. Remember that you can hit reset at any point in your life that you need a change. Don’t wait for the right time because that likely will never come. 

Thank You

From a young age, I’ve been taught to always say thank you. I probably say thank you too much. I say thank you when someone holds the door for me; I whisper thank you with a hand gesture while I’m driving if someone let’s me do something after I miss a turn or whatever (whatever I am not the greatest driver). I say thank you when someone hands me a water bottle at practice or when I get treatment from the trainers. 

It’s easy in the moment. Someone is doing something for me and I show my appreciation the best I can with the little time I have. 

So now I have this big gift I’ve received recently. I had the opportunity to step on the field for the Washington Spirit for the first time (ever) and to play in an actual game for the first time in over a year. 

Last Saturday night, I stood at half field, anxious to get on. I was trying my best to take it all in, but it was nearly impossible when so much was going through my mind. The only thoughts I clearly remember are: 

“Wow, the ball hasn’t gone out of bounds for like three minutes.” 

Finally when it was my time to step on the field, it felt like I stepped into a battlefield with my little tiny gun. The rest of my teammates had these big bazookas and I had my little water gun. They were spouting off orders and going into tackles; they were dripping sweat and playing through aches and pains. I had to get on their level and quick. 

I started giving instructions to other players and that helped me settle in a little more. It was only three minutes, but I remember almost every second of it. I tried to nutmeg a player; I kind of went in for a tackle, I completed a pass; and remembered where I had to be on set plays. It was a good start. 

It was amazing. It was a feeling I’ll never forget. 

Those three minutes were a gift I have received as a result of a lot of things I had to do myself, but also a lot of things people have done for me in the past year. There is no way I could have gotten to that point alone.  So I have a lot of thank yous to say because aside from my excitement (I haven’t really stopped talking about it yet) I just feel incredibly thankful. Here goes: 

My family. They never want me to stop playing. I can’t ask for much more than that from them. They laughed when I told them I played for three minutes because to them, it’s good, but it’s not good enough. They were with me during the worst parts of rehab. My mom and grandma especially, call me every single day of the year to see how I’m doing. My brother hardly left my side during my surgeries. Unfortunate for him, but he made sure I was okay all the time.  

My friends and current and former teammates were just incredible. I would text them randomly to ask a question about my knee and they never missed a beat getting back to me. They were always there for me. I was amazed at how many people came up big over the past year. And this year during preseason my teammates were on another level. They did more than they'll ever know for me. Now they have to get nutmegged as a result. Suckers. 

The Washington Spirit and Mark Parsons. They didn’t give up on me. And I am going to try like hell to repay them for that. I’ll never forget that. 

Physically I couldn’t have depended on just one person to get me through this process. It took an impressive team of people. 

My surgeon who made my scar so beautiful, Dr. John D. Kelley of Connecticut Orthopaedic. The first time I met him and he told me I had definitely torn my ACL, I was obviously upset and when he saw me start to cry, he gave me a huge hug. That’s when I knew he would be doing my surgery. 

And then people who put in a ton of hours for me. Thank you guys. 

Emily Fortunato 
The team at Star Physical Therapy
Chris Gorres and Explosive Performance 
Mark Kang and Randy Rocha at Metro Orthopedics and Sports Medicine 
Ranfone Training Systems 
Pierre Soubrier 
Mike Davis 

The support from all the people I don’t know personally was the icing on the cake. The messages and packages and notes and just the fact that people never stopped supporting me. With Twitter and Facebook and all that good stuff, I felt love constantly. And especially Saturday night. I was blown away. The Spirit Squadron.. you guys made me blush. Thank you. 

I know I touched on my grandma a bit, but she had a big role to play this year. When I tore my ACL, she knew how devastated I was. In fact, she didn’t want to tell me that she had been diagnosed with cancer because she didn’t want me to feel any more grief, which says all you need to know about her. 

She kicked cancer’s ass and after my game Saturday night she said, “Tiff, I never thought I would see you play again.” I was coming back for her as much as for me.  

So for all the people who have been there for me and helped me get back to this point in my career where I can play soccer again, my thank you is from a lot of people, not just me. 

Photo Credit: Colvin Media Group 

I love playing more than anything in this world. This past year has reinforced that. I always said I didn’t need soccer taken away to appreciate it more, but since it has, I do appreciate it more. I appreciate a lot of things more, like walking down stairs and people who come back from injuries. This has all made me a better person and I hope I can help others through their process. 

At the end of the day, I want to play for as long as I’m physically able. Whether it’s in a game in front of thousands of fans or with my four-year-old cousin in the driveway, it’s always the same game. It always makes me happy and it always will. 

I’ll always fight to have it. And now I know, I’ll never have to fight alone. 

Thank you again to everyone.