Tribute Speech for Janet
( I had the honor of speaking at my grandmother’s funeral earlier this week)
Yesterday at the wake, I heard someone say “are all these people are here for Janet” I’m sorry I don’t remember who asked, but I thought to myself, of course they are.
You see, when you give so much of yourself to so many people, it’s a simple decision to go pay your respects. Everyone who was there yesterday, everyone who is here today has been touched in some way by this incredible woman.
And I wish I could stand up here and speak for all the good she has done for everyone, but we would be here all day, truly.
What I can speak on though is what she has done for me.
When I was little, I fell in love with a game. I was given the opportunity to and then was fully backed throughout the 30 something years I have been playing.
Janet believed in me and supported me and made sure I had what I needed to achieve my dreams. She and Papa would do anything. They drove to Penn State more times than I can count. Took round trips out to Texas, California, Missouri, Florida, and more. I even remember a time Janet flew to Vegas for a soccer tournament. Yes, she flew on a plane.
But I’m not entirely sure if that one was just to see me play.
She and Papa would drive me to practice, to games… they went to as many as they possibly could. She was always ready to tell my coaches off if they didn’t play me enough. She was there by my bedside after every surgery, taking me to PT and filling the ice machine. We would talk every day when I lived overseas. She was just so invested.
She was invested in all of her grandchildren’s sports: Richie’s hockey, Danielle’s soccer, Bobby’s soccer, Mariah’s softball, Sandro’s soccer and lacrosse and Elan’s baseball. I know how proud she was of all of us because we all heard about each other all the time.
Having that kind of support my whole life was the difference and I never thought in her lifetime that I could repay her. I tried, but it never seemed like enough. You can’t ever fully repay someone for that kind of gift.
When I told Janet I was retiring from pro soccer, I said thank you so much for everything. I lived the best life. And she caught me off guard by saying, thank you for giving me so much all of these years… I never would have met so many people, and saw so many places if it wasn’t for you.”
I cried hard.
When I did say goodbye at the hospital last week, with my brother by my side, Papa had his hand on Janet’s arm. She was so still and at peace. I took her hand in mine and couldn’t help but think I could wake her up. That our bond was so strong and that this was how I would repay her for all she had done for me. That just for a moment I could possess some super human power. I squeezed her hand several times and nothing happened.
The reality that she wouldn’t be waking up, that she wouldn’t be able to see in plain day what she meant to everyone, what her loss would do to people, will always be a tragedy. I don’t know if she ever knew how deep our love was for her.
But I realize that that is the irony of life. That people are celebrated and loved most in the very beginning when we can’t remember and in the very end, when we are gone.
Thankfully, Janet’s impact is everlasting. For all of us who have spent a significant amount of time with her, we know what parts of us are from her. We know that even though we can’t always stay, a piece of us always does.
I will think of her every day. Every time I have macaroni. Every time I have a coffee. Every time I step on the field. Every time I have news to share. Every time I want to complain about the family. Every time I need someone to pick me up from my oil change. Every time I want to go to lunch. Every time I need a hug. Or a laugh from a mispronounced word. (She really hated Covid 19 aka Corona, aka Cona, aka Cobra)
Until we meet again, Janet. At some dinner table somewhere, with a big bowl of macaroni and meatballs, some crappy iceberg lettuce salad, with 2-3 mushy olives, too many desserts and you, you will be sitting comfortably with your coffee in your hand, a little cream, no sugar.
Obituary: https://www.tributearchive.com/obituaries/21181728/Janet-Carol-Decarlo/wall
GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/20485a15