Defining Success

It usually takes a lot of thinking to get to this point. The point where I'm sitting  at my desk listening to some song that has no words by a dude born in the 1700s, looking at a blank post, eagerly awaiting those first few words. It takes even more actually to type though. Sometimes themes are more obvious than others. Sometimes it's just one instance that triggers a thought; sometimes it's a series of different instances with the same idea behind it. And that's what it has been like this time.

A few weeks ago, I finished reading Wooden on Leadership (a must-read for everyone). John Wooden, UCLA's legendary basketball coach and winner of 10 NCAA National Championships, though extremely simple, was a genius.  As a coach, he was very disciplined and focused on the things he and his team could control. He wasn't concerned with what the other teams were doing, but instead if his team did everything to the best of their ability, it wouldn't matter what anyone else was doing.

So this made me analyze every aspect of everything in life. Again. As always. I'm a nut job. And I like it.

Why are we always so concerned with what everyone else is doing? No, but really. Why?

Personally, I think it's easier to focus on other people. That's why we do it. It's harder to look within and take responsibility for the outcome of something. It's easier to say "they were just really good today" rather than "I sucked today".

After Bayern Munich crushed Barcelona last night, I accepted the fact that Bayern was the better team, that they "had Barcelona figured out". They lessened their strengths and took advantage of their weaknesses and that's how you beat teams.

It was a natural reaction for me. "Stop their good and you'll be okay" - that's hard to do

I then watched an interview with Bayern's Head Coach Jupp Heynckes where he said something along the lines of not worrying about what Barcelona was doing, that his team did everything they were supposed to do and bought into his way of coaching. And that was the difference in the game.

"Create your own good and you'll be even better" - that's more like it.

He never mentioned shutting down Messi in the first game, mistakes made by Victor Valdes or missed chances from Xavi. He didn't talk about Barcelona. He talked about his team. That's where his focus was and has been all year.

It made me think about scouting reports and worrying about star players and what the other team was doing. If Heynckes wasn't worried about Messi, the best player in the world, what does any coach in the world have to worry about? And why do we worry so much about something we can't even control instead of focusing on what is in our control?

Heynckes is the man right now as far as I'm concerned. He and his team killed it. They were like machines out there. And to be honest, they were more fun to watch than Barcelona the past two weeks.

Back to Wooden

I really appreciate the lessons from Coach Wooden. I never realized how awesome he was. He never talked about winning or scores or stats. He focused on the details. His idea of success was that every player did their best to reach their potential, nothing else.

As a player, I'm sure Coach Wooden would agree on a lot of things we worry about as being trivial. The weather, the pitch, the shape of our pony tail in our prematch photo(whoops), the other team, the coaches, the final score, the referee-  you name it, we can't control it.

I've changed my way of thinking a lot lately. I have seen the results of focusing on the little things and letting greatness unfold. Because you can't force greatness. It doesn't happen overnight and it definitely doesn't happen by worrying about things we can't control.

Ready, Set, Action!

This weekend we play one of the best teams in Europe. I won't even name them because it doesn't matter who they are, except a quality opponent that we should respect.

I'm not going to worry about who they are, what they're good at or what they've done in the past.

I'm going to take players on 1v1, take shots, track back like a gazelle on fire, win 50/50 balls and attempt to meg, meg, meg.

I'm going to focus on playing the best game I'm capable of, being a good teammate and letting the greatness unfold itself like a beautiful little origami of a game.

Because if you can walk away knowing you succeeded within Wooden's definition of success, allowing your inner boss to shine and your greatness to unfold naturally, what more can you ask of yourself? Win or lose, you're a freaking star! And if anyone argues it, tell em I sent ya... mmkay?

We Are Magic

If you're familiar with 80s music then maybe you know where my title came from. I had my iTunes on shuffle and this Olivia Newton-John song came on. I didn't even know it was on my iTunes at all. This line "you have to believe we are magic" really got me thinking. The idea that we are "magic" is more true than any other I have heard about the human race.

Magic: Dictionary DefinitionNoun: The power of influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces Adjective: Used in magic or working by magic; having or apparently having supernatural powers

Magic: My Definition I have found, and I'm sure many of you can relate, that we place limits on ourselves. Maybe we think something like "this is as good as I'm gonna get" or "I just can't do that".

But then one day we are able to do something we thought we couldn't.

So in my opinion, magic is the result of being strong, resilient, confident, hardworking, indestructible etc. Because all those things lead to that moment where something clicks and we have proven ourselves wrong.

I will never forget the first time I did the juggling trick called "around the world". It's stupidly hard when you're first learning it. Like "there is no way my leg can do that". I worked on it and asked questions about it for years. Literally, years.

It wasn't until 2008 (about 5 years after I started trying it) when I was playing in Brazil with some of the most technical players in the world that I finally saw what I was doing wrong and fixed it. I surpassed that level of "I can't do this". It was magic.

What constitutes magic for you won't be the same for the next person, because everyone is so different. Some people could do an "around the world" the first time they pick up a ball. But everyone's magic moment stems from a fear of not being able to do something. A fear that, maybe, it will never happen.

But if our deepest fear truly is that we are powerful beyond measure, then possibly our greatest pleasure is overcoming that fear.  Finding the magic within ourselves from a place that we don't always know exists could be not only an amazing accomplishment, but a feeling of empowerment that anything is possible.

I never forget that feeling of overcoming the seemingly impossible. For me, it truly was magic.

A big part of it is forgetting about everyone else and focusing on the pure joy of creating our own magic. When we break it down, the reason we strive to do something seemingly impossible is purely for our own satisfaction, not someone else's. We probably won't feel as great as we think after we have proven them right or wrong . We will feel better because we have proven to ourselves that anything is possible. 

So, thanks Olivia. You sparked a lot of thought in me today. And I too believe we are magic.

So with all of that said......"LET'S GET PHYSICAL, PHYSICAL..." JK.

Bye.

A Finntastic Weekend

As we drove up the winding, snowy hills to our destination, a few things were immediately obvious. 1. We weren’t going shopping in any kind of downtown Helsinki coffee shop infested areas 2. It was borderline creepy how smoothly we were driving on so much snow and 3. Any minute now we would run into a huge candy cane sign that said “North Pole”. But whatever. We didn’t care. We just wanted to get to our beds ASAP. We had left Hjørring at 2pm and arrived to the training center at 2am. Twelve-hour travel days are the best.

The dorm-like sleeping arrangements were better than expected, and once we woke up to (not the sun, because we didn’t see the sun the entire weekend) let’s call them shiny clouds, it was evident that we were at a high quality training facility.

The amount of snow and ice that covered said facility were less desirable as you can imagine.

The joke of the weekend was that we went to Finland for a preseason tournament, instead of oh, I know don’t know, Spain or Turkey, to appreciate Hjørring more.

At one point I said to my coach “Ok ok, I get it, I get it, Hjørring is awesome, we can go home now!”

But nevertheless, we stayed. And we enjoyed it.

We jumped in an ice lake or whatever they call it. It’s a Finnish tradition, right? So, you jump in the water for a second and go in the sauna after. I pictured it going much smoother, but it was more chaos than my life prefers.

I slowly stepped into the water, (which is a feat in itself because I’m terrified of not being able to see what’s beneath me) dunked my head under, shot up out of the water, grabbed my towel and clothes and ran barefoot through the snow to the sauna.  All the while screaming “it’s not worth it”.

But it was. I was just having a moment.  And being dramatic.

So we did that. We played two games against the No. 1 and 2 teams in Finland, and Finnished the weekend with a win and a loss.  (did you catch that brilliance?) As with all preseason matches, we learned things. And talked tactics. And learned things. And talked tactics. And complained about our legs being sore and the such.

But enough about soccer.

We had much more important things going on. Like making a Harlem Shake video… which I believe is roaming the internet like a scared cat that knows there’s a dog close by. It’s like one of those things you probably shouldn’t do because everyone else is doing it but you do it because everyone else is doing it, but after you do it, you’re like why did we do that, but you’re like well let’s just watch it five more times.  Yeah, I don’t even know where it is.

We played some team bonding trivia game. And let me tell you, our teammates are so considerate to make the questions in Danish and English so the Americans could participate.  There were questions like “What species of monkey is Rafiki from Lion King” and “Which country has one the most men’s World Cups”… I told everyone before we started playing that my team would win, and we did. Some may say that’s cocky, I say I’m just instilling confidence in my team. Bro.

Let’s see here. I’m almost done, don’t worry.

I saw one of my old teammates from AIK (Sweden). She calls me a douchebag every time I see her. We have an ironic friendship. It’s ironic because she’s the douchebag… Yeah I hope you're reading this.

Fast forward to the travel home.

I wrote this sitting in the van on our 5-hour (I wrote year instead of hour at first, because that’s what it felt like I guess) ride back to Hjørring. We stopped to eat at a rest stop off the highway in Denmark. If you think the Jersey Turnpike has slim pickings, you just shouldn’t think that.

We had the choice: McDonalds, Burger King or a place called Sunset Boulevard.  Sunset (which is what the locals call it) is a far cry from what you imagine Sunset Boulevard to be like. It’s a combination of Subway, McDonalds and imported shitty French fries. So, Casey (the other American), Nino (a player on trial from Georgia- the country) and I ate at Burger King.

Guess today was our cheat day.

So, that’s all for now. Except the Titanic song just came on the radio. And all I can think about is how I know what that freezing cold water felt like now that I’m an experienced Fin-dipper (I am assuming that’s what they’re called, I don’t have the exact dictionary spelling, sorry).

I’ll write again soon. There are lots of things going on here in Denmark... like the timer on our laundry adding extra time during the cycle and my old housemates (aka my teammates that are under the age of 22) accidentally putting my VISA in the trash mail pile. You know, the usual.

A Conversation With Your Next Week Self

As I was sitting on the plane from Newark to Amsterdam, beginning my journey back to Hjørring for the second part of the season, so many thoughts went through my head. I was having what I like to call unorganized thoughts, or mixed emotions.

For the most part in my life, I know what I feel when I feel it, and usually my emotions have been on par to the situation at hand. If I score a goal or we win a game, I'm happy; if I lose something I'm frustrated with myself; if I don't finish a workout I'm disappointed in myself etc.

But when I was sitting on that plane, leaving my friends and family at home, going back to playing soccer in Denmark, I couldn't figure out what I felt. And for someone who is OCD, this was pretty emotional. Yes, on a plane.

I thought about the goodbye I had with my mom, something that crushes my heart to the very core. I can't even look at her when I say bye now because her eyes fill up with tears as soon as I say "alright Mom, I gotta get going". Then I walk out the door with my bags, get in the car, put my sunglasses on and let it out myself.

On the plane I thought about that scenario over and over and how if I told my next week self about it, she would laugh. Because my next week self would be sitting in her new house, with her teammates, playing soccer every day, watching it on TV, staring at her shined boots, carefully putting on each shinguard (right before left) and getting stains out of her headband.

My next week self was more Ocho (my alter ego) than Tiffany. Tiffany is very sensitive, shy and more recluse-like than the egotistical, in your face, Ocho. Ocho can handle being away from home and living the dream. Tiffany misses her mom.

As I stepped onto the field for our first training session the day I arrived, I started to feel that sensitive side slowly fade. I was exhausted, but knew I could push through training. Eventually, I wasn't pushing through, I was just back in that game flow.

We were doing a drill where we had a defender on our back and we had to try to turn and beat them. I got a hard pass in, tried to chip it so it spun backwards over the defender's head and though it just wasn't high enough, I looked at my teammate and we both smiled and laughed.

That's why I'm here. That's why I was able to leave. That happiness overshadowed the sadness of leaving.

In that instant, I knew I didn't have to wait to hear from my next week self, because I had heard from my current self that things were okay. I wrote on my Facebook a quote that I came up with before I left -"leaving home is always harder than it seems, but nothing would be harder than not living out your dreams" I am sure there are variations of this same saying, but I liked that I could rhyme it.

The idea that I wouldn't hurt my own feelings by leaving my family and friends always wades in and out of my mind. I could feel that sense of security all day every day. That feeling has always been very comfortable and a major part of why "Tiffany" still lives at home for part of the year. "She" needs that though.

But my mom and I always remember very well what I was like when I was sitting the bench for the Breakers a few years ago. That, regardless if I was home every weekend, I wasn't truly happy.

Maybe one day I'll have the luxury of soccer and family in the same place. But until then, this is the way my dream is possible. This is where I need to be.

So, as I sit here in the confines of a small, Danish town, I am very content knowing that Ocho and Tiffany can live as one. Where both can thrive and live out parts of their lives that make them happy. Your next week self is always going to be the person who deals with the consequences of that prior decision.

It's your current self's job to ensure that the difficult decision will pay off for them.

Signing off... Ochiffany

Word to the third bird

A couple weeks ago I listened to my first audio book while I was driving in the car to pick up a friend at the airport. The book was called "What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast" (it's $2 in iTunes). It sparked a ton of ideas, but none more important to me than timing the things I do each day. How long does it take to get ready?

How long does it take to drive to the gym?

How long does it take to chop vegetables for the week?

I was surprised how little time some things actually took, but seemed so daunting to think about. Chopping vegetables is something I dread, but today I timed myself doing it, and washing the dishes after, and literally it took 15 minutes.

That was like 2 seconds in candle burning time.

I have started to time more of the things I do and realized I have a lot more time in my day if I just get on with some of things I dread and focus more on the things I enjoy, like running?

Yuck. I don't like running, but I'm starting to learn how to like it. Today I went on a run at the beach (this came as a result of all the extra time I had after chopping). I reached my destination and walked out onto the board walk to stretch. It was as if someone was telling me not to stop as a massive gust of wind blew my hoody on the side of my face and sand hit like nails against the small area showing between my high socks and 3/4 pants.

As per typical Ocho mode, I remained stopped and observed the beautiful scenery ahead. During the impressively long wind gust, I watched three seagulls jump up in an attempt to fly against the wind. I mischievously laughed to myself as the first two birds were static in their aerial pursuit to fly forward.

Then I noticed something awesome about the third bird. He jumped up to fly, but just let the wind blow him backwards, seemingly without a care in the world.  He landed in the water with a bunch of other birds that may have ended there after the same attempt.

I liked that third bird for a few reasons:

1. He didn't care that the others failed ahead of him, he still jumped up

2. Unlike the first two that came back down to where they were standing, he let the wind take him

3. He can still get to where they're going if he wants, but he doesn't have to

I wasn't sure at first why this hit home so much. But as I ran home against the wind, I realized something. (Aside from how much my legs were going to hurt tomorrow). I realized that just because one road block is closed doesn't mean there's not another way to get there. If you go your whole life thinking there's one path to greatness, it will likely be difficult to get there.

Like Google Maps, Jay DeMerit, the Beatles, and yours truly have all shown, there's not one path to getting where you want to be. That bird, though without much of a brain, is a cool ass example of not giving in to norms and taking the path that's best for you, not that's best for someone else.

Imagination Home

I finally finished reading Soccer Tough by Dan Abrahams this week.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with Abrahams, he is a sports psychologist who focuses on soccer and golf.  He has worked with some top players in the English Premier League and lower leagues in England to improve performance. As with most psychologists, he had a lot of great things to say that we “already know” but rarely practice.  It’s amazing in sports how much of performance is mental and how little time is spent on that area.

When players are asked to “train” their immediate instinct is to envision a field, gym or something involving sweat and pain.  How often do we see someone go “to training” and not have to leave his or her own bedroom?

One point Abrahams made in his book that really stuck out to me was for players to “make an imagination home”.  He talks about players going to a place that’s quiet where they are able to think about soccer.

He says to “fill your mind with pictures and movies of you playing at your best in your upcoming matches.  Ask yourself the questions you think are most important to you and allow your imagination to run free.”

I really liked the idea of adding more freethinking to my soccer world.  It’s a step often forgotten.  And not just for soccer.  Why don’t we do more freethinking about our job, our family, our hobbies and anything else?

We should all have a place, or places, that we can go to where we are only allowed to think about specific parts of our lives.

The human brain has thousands of thoughts a day.  Technology has made it harder to focus those thoughts for a long period of time.

So, if we have this one place that we can go to, where nothing else is allowed to enter our brains, because that’s the rule we made for ourselves, maybe, just maybe, we can really better ourselves in that one area of our lives.  Or do things we never thought we’d do simply because we never took the time to think them through.

I know people will definitely say they don’t have time to do this.  But if you can find time to watch Breaking Bad or revel in the latest iPhone trend, I’m sure you can find 20 minutes to free think here and there.

And if you’re interested in more from soccer psychology, Soccer Tough is a must-read. (There's an excerpt on the OGM site too).

…nobody better take my freethinking place, or Ima be mad.

List of Holiday Ridiculousness

Since the holiday season is among us, I thought it be best to provide a List of Holiday Ridiculousness so that everyone can join in on the ridiculousness together. Forever!

1. Don't go shopping on the weekends. There are ways around it

2. If you don't know what to buy someone, maybe just talk to them once a month or something

3. If you're a radio station and your ratings have dropped... not all the music has to be holiday music. Just sprinkle it in.

4. Tis the season to be in Bali

5. MORE COFFEE THAN EVER BEFORE

6. MOM "Make me a list for Christmas"

7. MOM "Where can I get the Kindle?"

8. MOM "Forget it, I'm just giving you guys money"

9. If rain isn't putting you in the holiday spirit, go visit Minnesota

10. But you're wearing your ugly sweater on the wrong day!

11. If the gym seems empty it's because everyone is "waiting until after the New Year"

12. Maybe just start now?

13. This list is not making any sense or giving any good advice

14. If you're going to give out gift cards or money, three words: presentation, presentation, presentation

15. If you have cats, why are you putting up the tree again?

16. The key to holiday shopping is setting a deadline. Otherwise, you'll be at the mall December 24 no matter what.

17. Need ideas for guys? www.fab.com

18. Need ideas for me? tweimer8@gmail.com

19. Elf has officially replaced A Christmas Story

20. Someone should make an Advent calendar that sends you dinner every day in December

21. Holiday season is during college finals. And you, my friend, are gonna make it.

22. Anyone else think it's time for Adam Sandler to make a new song? Yeah me either.

23. If you spend more money on your pets than your human friends for the holidays... bye.

24. Yes, that's the sound of your cat hacking up the pine needles again

25. If you need to hire one person during the holidays it's a gift wrapper. The end. And you're welcome.

26. The more candles that smell like cookies, wreaths and cinnamon apple the better.

27. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... five golden dings.. in your car... from parking like a jackass in the parking lot.. just stay in between the lines

28. 2012: Yes Virginia, there was a time we didn't have cell phones

29. Mom, make sure the lipgloss doesn't say "TESTER" on it this year.

30. Food first. Gifts second.

31. You can hire a shopper too.

32. Bad hair day? Luckily you can wear Santa hats whenever where ever during December

33. For my under 5 crowd... Santa is the one who gives you presents, don't be so scared of him in your Christmas photo

34. MOM "No one helps"

35. MOM "Stop you're doing it wrong"

36. MOM "Just let me do it"

37.  And you can hire a cook

38. Parents, don't create your own problems... gifts that make a lot of noise? Really?

39. Secret Santa doesn't work with two people... or if one person is a cat

40. It's okay to leave the price tag on if you spent a lot of money on it

41. OMG I love this shirt where did you get it... on the inside *that is the ugliest effing shirt*

42. OK. Just hire a stunt double and wish them the best of luck.

43.. Thanks Jesus, we owe you one!

44. But all in all, let's be honest. Everyone feels happier during this time of the year because commercials say we are supposed to.. even if in actuality we are more stressed out than any other time of the year.  All that stress is always worth it. Why? Because the holidays mean everyone is on break for a few days. Not many people have to work. And that means you can spend time with people you love. And people who love you. And today, that's not always as easy as it might have been years ago. Everyone's busy. But a few days out of the year, there's no excuse. And that, my friends, is why the holiday season is special.

Thank you, and happy holidays to everyone. Including you. Enjoy.

I Get To Be Me

My birthday is coming up next week. And no this blog is not to serve as a reminder. Although if you forget, I will probably be mad. Regardless, next week I'm turning 29. Which is seriously ridiculous. Because 29 is basically 30. And 30 is well, (I know I'll offend people for this one) OLD. How am I old? I  still live at home and my mom pays my cell phone bill.  I wear sweatshirts that say "Like A Boss" and am having a hard time throwing out my Guitar Hero.

Are these things a 29-year-old says?

I'm not really sure. I know most of the people my age are married, have jobs, own houses, some have children and basically know what the rest of their life will look like.

But I'm different. And I'm okay with that. And here's why.

First off, I'm not alone. Not that I need someone else doing the same thing as me to validate why I'm doing it, but when you stray away from the tracks, it's nice to have other people who know what you're going through and understand things like: "I can't go to happy hour because I want to train with a boys team at 6pm on a Friday."

Second, I wake up every day having no idea what I'm going to do. I know I have to workout or play soccer, but after those 2-4 hours are up, I'm game for just about anything. Because I can be. I'm 29 years old and every day I can do WHATEVER I want.

Then there are the real reasons I'm okay with it.

I have said this before, but I was lucky to find something I was passionate about when I was five years old. I say lucky because at five, it's not something you think about. When you're an adult, it's more in your control to find your passions.

Once I figured that out, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be a professional soccer player and nothing would get in my way. And 24 years later, I'm there. I'm doing it. And I forget how seriously awesome it is sometimes.

I was in Verizon the other day getting my new phone set up and the guys working there asked about my license plate. It says "OCHO" for those who might not know, and it represents my favorite number. I told them I play professional soccer. I usually I don't like to bring that up because people always have a ton of questions. Like: "so Mia Hamm, she's like really good still right?" Or my favorite, "so, what's your job then?" But I actually had a good conversation about women's soccer with these two guys and they said "that all sounds so cool."

This got me thinking. It is cool. It's really freaking cool.

But not because I play professional soccer. That's not why I think it's so cool. It's because I had a dream when I was 5 years old. And I did it. I am living the life I wanted.

And now to the point of this blog. Took a while to get here, I know, but it's really important.

I'm turning 29 next week. I'm still playing professional soccer and doing all the things I ever wanted to do.

When my mom was going to college, she got pregnant with me. She didn't finish school, and neither did my dad.

They put their life on hold for me, my brother and sister. We never really had a lot of money or resources, (especially when it came to soccer - hockey family) but between them, my grandparents, my step parents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and everyone else in between, my dream came true.

I'm tearing up as a write this. And let's face it, that's not my style. But my family and good friends have made it possible for me to live this life. They knew how much it meant to me to kick a ball. They knew that nothing made me happier and they were behind me every step of the way.

Even now, I live in a different country for part of the year, with articles and live streams in different languages, and six hours between us, but they're still behind me as if I was that five-year-old who just scored for the first time ever.

And to be honest, it goes both ways. When I call to tell my mom or grandma I scored, I feel like I'm five years old again, explaining in detail how the ball ended up in the back of the net with a huge dorky smile on my face.

This all hit me pretty hard recently. The fact that I'm turning 29 is a big deal, though it probably isn't to many others. I'm sure 30 is the big hit. But I'm different right?

The other reason is because I'm home now. Every time I leave home and come back I have a stronger appreciation for my life and the people in it. I couldn't have done this on my own. And whatever my future passions are, I know I"ll need them.

So. Thank you. To everyone who helped me get here. My family, coaches, friends, teammates. Here is a place where I can sit back and smile about my experiences, the people I've met and the things I've learned.

I've learned the value of support in a way nothing else could ever show me.

And I've learned that the backbone of that support is always love.

It's because of you that I get to be me.

How (Ocho) Got Her Groove Back

I just finished the book Shine: How to Survive and Thrive at Work by Chris Barez-Brown and have some thoughts. As always.  For those looking for a quick, easy read, it's perfect. It talks about upping your 'Elvis factor', which is what I'm all about. I'm always looking for ways to improve. But sometimes it's easy to get stuck and not every situation in life can be fixed with Shout pen or a beer. 

For me, my work is mostly on a field. Sometimes it's in a gym or looking at a white board, but mostly on a field. The one place my  work always is though, is my head. And that's something that goes with me everywhere I go (fortunately and unfortunately). The game is more mental than anything. 

So, my career has had high highs and low lows. You can probably see that by my Wiki page. That's just the type of player and person I have been. Lately, and yes the book helped me think through this even more, I've realized that for a long ass time, I was stuck. I wasn't the player I wanted to be. But most of it was in my head. Not my ability. 

Ultimately what it came down to was me losing my confidence. Never in a million years did I think that was possible. I didn't even believe it when it was happening. I was in total denial. Because that's the one thing I could always count on. It wasn't until this season that I realized how badly I had lost it. 

I look back and think how ridiculous I was. I believed the coaches that said I couldn't play at the highest level. I considered it when people said maybe I should stop playing and I even questioned how good I was in the past. Like, really? 

The hardest part was I didn't recognize the problem early enough. I just thought I was playing bad and kept training and training. The training helped, but it didn't fix the problem. 

For the first time in almost three years, I can honestly say I'm on the road to recovery. 

And I can tell you, I did not get here alone. 

This year we've had the luxury (yes, this is quite a luxury) of having two coaches who are willing to do anything for their players. I have never really had this in a professional environment. Our coaches literally stay out on the field all day doing individual sessions and then go to our team training at night. They are at all of our team lifts, pool workouts, come to team dinners and even drive us to the grocery store if we need it. We have individual meetings and watch video and talk about nutrition (I have given up Coke) and even, yes, joke around from time to time. 

THIS is how you show players you care. This was the first step on my road to recovery. I knew our coaches cared. And they believed in us. They put time into us. I have been doing individual sessions 2-3 times a week on top of our team training and lifting. And the training is so specific. I now understand my role as an outside midfielder. And I have embraced it. We work on taking players on 1v1 and shooting. Receiving the ball under pressure. Long balls. You name it. We do it. 

And this is how I have been able to get it back. If I had to compare it to something, I guess I could use dating. When someone has a tough breakup they're out of the game for a while. They don't really go out, they don't think anyone is interesting and they just kinda go through the motions. It's not until you get a taste of that dating life again, that you realize how fun it could be. 

Well, that's how I am with megging people. I didn't try for a while. I stopped thinking about it. It was too risky and I didn't want to make a mistake or look stupid. I didn't want to feel that rejected feeling when the ball hits off someone's shinguards, and they turn up with it in the end. 

But now I feel that excitement with the ball again. Nutmegging people is my thing. And I stopped doing my thing. I forgot how amazing it is to have the ball at your feet and how endless the possibilities are. 

There's no script. It's complete freedom. And I'm getting it back. 

As with all sports, the metaphors for life are incredible. I can't say that I'd have the confidence I have in life without having played soccer. But now that I have lost it in one aspect of my life, I am pretty sure I know how to get back in all aspects. 

I'm glad this happened. Because I feel like I'm playing some of my best soccer and enjoying it more than I have in a long time. 

So here's my advice to anyone who feels like they've lost it:

1. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and think you're great 

2. Put in the extra hours of deliberate training and thinking to be better

3. Don't be afraid to make mistakes 

4. Tell yourself the things you need to hear in order to start believing it again

5. Finally, once you get it back, make sure you give your time to help someone else get theirs back-you won't regret it

List of Ridiculousness (Part 2)

Since the last time I wrote List of Ridiculousness (which wasn't really ridiculous), many things have happened in my life and with that said, I'd like to present to you, List of Ridiculousness Part 2 (which isn't really ridiculous).  Yes, go get your coffee.. it will be here when you get back. 

Here we go:

1. Add more music to your life, no matter what you're doing 

2. If they're on TV watch documentaries on history, life, science and sharks... that kill everyone  and everything 

3. You're probably useless if you don't sleep or eat properly .. so, yeah. 

4. Texting someone "hug" really isn't the same guys .. open those arms

5. Buy the coolest pair of sunglasses you can find and don't stop looking in the mirror 

6. If people embraced everything as much as they do pumpkin spiced latte's, life would be amazing

7. Usually people aren't mad at you, so don't take their dirty looks personally (people have bad days)

8. If you're an asshole people probably are mad at you though :) 

9. Finding your "zone" is awesome and all, but you gotta remember how you got there, so you can get there again

10. Figure out your weaknesses.. work on them 

11. Say the good things you're thinking too ... not just the bad ones 

12. Buy new socks more than you need to 

13. "Find some inspiration, it's down deep inside of you"

14. When you think you can't take anymore... don't think that. 

15. There will be people in your life worth putting time into... and people who will never change no matter what you do, it's not easy, but try to know the difference between the two

16. If you are on social media and you like something write it, like it, love it. Let someone know you're thinking about them. Even for a second. 

17. If people think you're funny, KEEP THEM IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER 

18. Buy presents for people  - even a pack of gum goes a long way kids

19. Write down things you think and feel .You'll want to remember them one day. And the new technological life we live in makes it easy to forget, because we process so much. 

20. Learn the lyrics. If you're with a group of people and you can spit lyrics, that's hot. No matter what song. 

21. If you need Instagram to make your life look cooler, you're doing something wrong 

22. Right... take more pictures 

23. Make a list of things you've always wanted to do (send it to me if you want) 

24. If you don't love what you do, why the eff are you doing it still? 

25. If you need a roommate, make sure they like cooking or washing the dishes... whichever you don't like doing

26. Car speakers are meant to be played loud - just saying - the volume wouldn't go up that high if it was a bad idea

27. Read a book. Like, go get one today. 

28. Learn to say hello and thank you in a different language... sometimes that's all you'll get to say to people.. they'll think you're really smart.  "Danke" 

29. If you're not on Twitter yet - wait, what? You're not?

30. Be better to people you can't stand. Just a little better. A tiny bit. 

31. Don't let your parents make your room into an office or gym after you move out -you'll be back

32. Don't let your haters be your biggest motivation. They'll stop hating one day. Then what?

33.  If you wake up before 7 am , you have my permission to take a nap during the day, yes even at work

34. Still trying to give up coffee?? Silly wabbit. 

35. Love yourself. Unconditionally. 

36. Mistakes make you grow. Milkshakes make you go. 

37. How many calories did you burn/dollars did you make playing FIFA 2013? 

38. Patience is the key to living in a foreign country 

39. Massages. Go and get them. (yes, they should hurt a little)

40. Don't ever let go of your favorite hoody. You'll regret it. 

41. If you think you're surrounded by idiots, you might be. Solution? Do it yourself. 

42. Never underestimate the power of a good 80s love song. 

43. Be honest with your friends. If it looks bad, please tell them. Or I will. 

44. Anything is possible. 

I'll end it with that. I think that some times we forget simple things that don't seem so simple when we go through our every day lives. Simple? What does that even mean anymore. Everything has become so complex. Even the simple things... 

Regardless. Bring it back to the basics. We all know that the little things in life are the most important. We forget it sometimes, but that doesn't mean we don't know it. So try to keep the little things at the front of your brain. It's a busy highway up there. But the famous quote always says, "where does your mind go when it wanders?" 

Try to see where it goes. The big things will always get to you, good or bad. But be sure it's the little things that get you through each day. The little things, my friends, are usually in your control.